R.E.M

sixteen

ARIANA'S POV

Flashback to almost four months ago:

"Ari," Frankie squealed, standing in the doorframe of my room as I was still getting ready. I noticed he was finished getting ready, his suit was on, his makeup was finished, and all he had left to do was kill time until it was ready. "You look gorgeous, are you nervous?"

I was nowhere near finished, I had just finished putting on my makeup, while I still had my hair to do and dress to put on. You would think that I would be stressed, feeling like I had to rush considering my wedding was happening in less than two hours. But if anything, I was prolonging the process, my mind wandering off while I was supposed to be getting ready. Honestly, I didn't even know where I left my vows.

I gave him a half-smile, seeing as he was excited to see me get married, however, I was not. "Not really, honestly," I shrugged, starting to clean up all of my makeup supplies so I didn't leave a mess. "I just wanna get it over with."

"Okay, that's worrying," He said, stepping more into the room as he went to close the door. "Are you okay? You should be freaking out right now, you're getting married in two hours, girl,"

"Yeah, I'm okay, it's probably because I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Maybe," Frankie answered, coming over to me. "I'm so happy for you Ari, that you've found the love of your life, that he makes you happy. You're the best person I know, so it means the world that the universe is finally paying you back with someone as great as Matthew,"

"Thank you, Frankie," I smiled, embracing my brother as a tear dropped from his eyes. "I love you, now go, you're distracting me."

He chuckled, pulling away as he headed for the door. "Right, sorry,"

Soon, I was left alone, putting on my dress. I didn't mind it though, I preferred to have my bridesmaids in a different room so that I could focus instead of hearing them yell and cry like they had been all morning. It seemed like everyone was more excited to be here than I was, and the most fun I'd had throughout this whole process was my bachelorette party.

Matt's parents had practically planned our entire wedding, sticking to a classic white dress and black suit, which was the nice and safe option, but boring and not exactly how I imagined my wedding to look. We were at an estate of theirs, that looked more like the White House than a wedding venue. But the two had insisted that they would plan the most perfect wedding for their son, completely disregarding any of me or Matt's wants. I couldn't believe I was gonna marry into a family who practically despised me, which Matt begged to differ on, but this wasn't rocket science, I knew when someone did like me.

Almost twenty minutes later, I had made some progress, and at least pulled the dress off of the clothing rack to lay it on the bed.

My eyes were focused on my phone and Instagram, much less my wedding dress. It wasn't until I heard a knock at my door that I hid my phone, fiddling with the dress as if I'd been trying to put it on.

"Come in," I said, just as the person opened the door.

"Ari, I'm sorry I was late, your father and I were searching the car, we couldn't find your Nonno's pin at first," Mom explained, coming in and closing the door behind her, as she handed me the small box. "Your Nonna's downstairs waiting, she's excited to see you. I'm so excited for you—"

"Mom," I finally managed to say, drawing her attention as I sat my grandfather's pin down on the bed, on top of my dress. I grabbed my mother's hands, holding them in mine as I spoke, "I can't do this,"

Her eyes softened. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not even excited to be here, Mom," I started to explain, as she listened closely. "Almost everyone dreams of how their future wedding will look like, planning every detail, wondering who your spouse will be, things like that. This isn't what I imagined, and maybe it's because I didn't plan my own wedding but I can't go through with this. I want a real wedding, one where my partner and I planned for ourselves, one that I'm excited and nervous to be at, one that I want to be at, one that I'm anticipating to see my partner and become someone's wife. But right now? I could care less about Matt.

He's an amazing guy, but I just don't think I'll be happy in the long run if I marry him. Family means everything to me and I can't get along with his, they expect me to be pregnant and a stay-at-home mom by the end of this year! That's not what I imagined my life to look like, I want to travel and have fun before I fully commit myself to something like that. When you're a mom, you can't just suddenly walk away if you're not ready for it, I don't want kids until I know I'm ready, having them now means sacrificing my happiness... and that's something I won't do for the Cox Family. Matt and I need different people, I realized that we don't want the same things, and we never have."

She didn't say anything for what felt like minutes on end, instead, she pulled me in a hug, embracing me tightly. "We will always be here behind every decision you make, Ari, and we're so proud of you. It's okay to want more for yourself,"

***

"Welcome, everyone. Friends and family who have traveled to be with Ariana and Matthew today: we thank you for being here to share this special day,"

Ariana and Matthew, love is the force that brings us all here today. In fact, love is the force behind much of what we do every day. Whether making a meal for our family, taking time to teach our children, or lending a listening ear to a friend—even in the mundane, commonplace routines, love is always the reason.

We are all here to support Ariana and Matthew on their first day as wife and husband. As you go into married life, remember the reason: the reason you get up each morning, get ready, do your best in the world, and look forward to coming home. Remember the reason you sacrifice, the reason you give, and the reason you laugh. The reason you are legally becoming a family.

Ariana, let Matthew represent love and Matthew, let Ariana represent love. This mutual love stays strong as long as you both invest in and cherish it. This love is alive: it is active, dynamic, and powerful. Cling to it during good times and bad. All marriages have ups and downs—if you will make a habit of returning to your 'reason,' you will find the strength to choose each other in every moment, in every place, and at all times.
A strong and lasting marriage is built on love, trust, and respect.

To truly love, you must both enter your life together with vulnerability. To truly trust, you must, in good faith, allow for freedom and autonomy. To truly respect, you must consciously treat your partner with reverence.

Ariana and Matthew, cherish one another. Never stop doing the small things that convey respect and trust. Hold doors, write notes, listen, and strive to understand. Let kindness and tenderness be the rule, not the exception. Remember that you're both on the same team. Together you will fight demons, defeat enemies, build a life, and forge a bond that is greater than the sum of its parts.

Now, Matthew Bartholomew Cox, do you, of your own free will, take Ariana Grande-Butera as your lawful, wedded wife, to love, protect, and defend—as long as you both shall live?"

Matt's eyes focused on mine, his smile growing bigger as he turned to the officiant. "I do," but when he noticed the lack of emotion on my face, I could tell he was growing nervous,

"Now, Ariana Grande-Butera, do you, of your own free will, take Matthew Bartholomew Cox as your lawful, wedded husband, to love, protect, and defend—as long as you both shall live?"

"Matt," I said, his face starting to drop, as whispers rose in the audience. "You're a good person, one that deserves someone who is equally as excited to start a life with you. In our whole relationship, I've constantly chosen what your parents wanted, putting it over my wants and needs. This wedding, for example, neither of us had any part in planning our wedding. I can't imagine living the rest of my life with no control over it to please other people, especially if those people don't like me. Matt, I'm sorry but I can't marry you, I need to choose me, and this isn't what I want."