Chapter 24: The Pain of Guilt

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A week went by after the kidnapping incident, and it was perhaps the toughest. Things between Clark and my mom were tense, which only fueled my guilt.

He was not being mean to her but in some ways, he was giving her the cold shoulder, unable to look at her in the eye.

I sat in the barn, realizing that I could not allow Clark to continue believing it had been our mom, who killed Nour when I was the one who did it.

Walking back inside, my mom was sitting in the table, drinking coffee. I sat down and looked at her.

"Mom, I have to tell him the truth."

"No, don't. He is angry and he will only get angrier if he finds out I lied to him."

"Mom, I can't let you do this."

"Yes, you can. I don't want you and Clark to be at odds with one another when you only did what you had to do. Otherwise, she would have killed me."

"But the guilt is killing me" I started crying. "I was the one who killed Nour and I can't let him continue giving you the cold shoulder. Please, mom, please just let me tell him!"

"Omar, you're a good boy but I don't want you tell him. I took the blame because I want to protect your relationship with your brother. Your father once told me that if something was to happen to him and was no longer around, that he wanted you and Clark to remain close. I can't let you ruin your relationship with him."

A Guilt-ridden Omar

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A Guilt-ridden Omar

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"Mom, I can't do this anymore. It's been a week and with each passing day, it gets worse for me!"

"Omar, don't tell Clark. I beg you, please!" she came over and hugged me. "Clark will get angrier and that's the last thing I want. Please, just don't tell him."

"Fine" I said.

A moment later, she left. Likely to run an errand.

I started having a panic attack and felt my hands becoming clammy and started getting all these scary sensations all over.

Running to the barn, I ran upstairs and sat down on the sofa, taking deep breaths while crying uncontrollably. I felt my hands getting numb and started to become paralyzed, unable to even move my fingers.

I hated myself for what I had done but even more so, for agreeing to let our mom take the fall.

I started to weep bitterly, feeling the tension inside unlike anything I had ever felt before. I then sunk to the ground, hitting the ground hard, angry, scared, and feeling pain in my heart.

Footsteps then alerted me that I wasn't alone. Then I realized it was Lucy, who then ran over to me.

"What's going on?" she hugged me.

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