figure my heart out // muke

13

I was awoken by Luke shaking me awake, "Michael," He whisper-shouted. When my eyes fluttered opened he was staring at me, smirking. "You forgot, didn't you?"

Forgot what? I couldn't remember. Was I meant to get up and do something today? I thought hard, my facial features scrunched. I couldn't quite place my finger on what I was missing.

"It's 11am, Calum was banging on the door." He gave me more context as I started to recall the events from yesterday, "He said he's waiting in the car with Ash and if we don't meet them now then they will drive off without us and go get tickets just for themselves for tonight."

I groaned, dragging my hands over my face as I sat up. "Can they just wait like, 5 more minutes?"

"No," Luke said, "You know how serious Calum is with these things. I once woke up late after a party and he walked in, smacked me with a pillow and told me if I wasn't up and dressed in 5 minutes that he would end up driving without me."

I chuckled, "Did he drive off without you?" I entertained.

Luke nodded with a laugh, "Yeah, and he left me to deal with an awkward encounter since the man laying next to me didn't recognise who I was."

It all hit me at once, the pang of jealousy. I didn't quite understand why I felt jealous of a hook-up he had. I had seen him hook-up with another man at the party and I didn't even feel a thing. But now was different. Things had changed and change terrified me.

"You know Calum does the same thing to me, he will break into my apartment and slap me with a pillow until I'm awake."

"So you're telling me Calum slaps everyone with a pillow if they aren't awake by a certain time?"

"Mhm!" I happily mumble.

I couldn't help but stare at him, take all him in. Why was I feeling light-hearted about him? The only reason I could think of was him telling me his secret. I felt sympathy for him. In that moment I felt something click, it wasn't a spark but a new bond was formed. I felt like I understood his intentions better, understood why he was acting this way. I knew he would still be an asshole when we stepped outside of this motel room, it was to keep control of his facade. Maybe we had a lot more in common than I thought - we both like to be in control.

I hopped out of bed with a grunt, not bothering to change my clothes from yesterday since I had conked out in them last night. I slipped on my converse and left the room with Luke trailing behind.

Calum and Ashton were indeed waiting in the car for us and as we both got in and closed the doors, Ashton tsked in disapproval. "You need a better alarm system, Michael."

"He has me," Calum retorted. "But since I'm not rooming with him, Luke has to wake him up." Calum took this chance to turn around and look at us both in the backseat, "Luke you're the worst alarm clock ever."

Luke and I both looked at eachother, grinning. I thought maybe for the same reason - but I was so wrong.

"I know how to wake him up," Luke slammed both his feet hard onto my thighs as I bit down on my bottom lip and winced in pain.

"Fuuuuck-" I cried but was cut off by Luke's remark.

"Be my footrest."

"No, get off!" I tried pushing his feet off but he wouldn't budge. "You're a little shit you know that?" I laughed in annoyance.

"And what are you going to do about it? Punish me?" He teased. I felt my dick twitch, I felt aroused by the game he was playing. I would fuck him for being this annoying but I'm not going to do it for free. No, not when a bond has been created between us. And therefore, I have to keep away. I'll feel bad for charging him again. I'll feel bad if I freak out again. I can not be his sex dealer, I refuse.

I decided not to answer back, turning my head to the window as the car engine rumbled and we were on our way to the venue. It was a short drive from the motel we were staying at. The outside stadium was pretty large inside and could fit tonnes of screaming fans. As we climbed out of the car, Calum was quick to spot the line to the ticket booth. It was short and staggered, in which Ashton took the chance to make a joke about how we're all queer and the lines not straight. None of us laughed apart from Calum, making me wonder if there was something more to their relationship than what meets the eye.

After about 20 minutes of waiting, it was our turn. Calum took the lead to eagerly ask for four tickets to see 5 seconds of summer but unfortunately we were left in a bit of a situation.

"Sorry, there's only 2 more tickets left. Costs $50 each." The box office employee said, she was elderly and greyed. She also wore a tired and judgemental expression her wrinkled face. Calum sighed, I knew he was sad. He seemed like the only one of us, apart from Ashton who was a little bit excited when seeing the billboard sign, to actually want to see them perform. A pout jutted out from his lips, he was giving puppy dog eyes to Ashton.

"Please..." He pleaded, pretending Luke and I weren't awkwardly standing behind them trying to continue the hatred narrative we made up.

"Calum," Ashton reasoned as he pointed to Luke and I, "What about them? There's only 2 tickets and I'm pretty sure excluding two of us isn't fair."

"You two go." I butted in, nodded my head. I glanced at Luke who stared off into his own world, it looked like he had elevator music looping in his lopsided brain.

Ashton dropped his arm as both him and Calum looked at me, this time Calum had a glimmer of hope in his eyes. "You sure?" Ashton questioned, and again I nodded. Patting down the pockets of my gym shorts and pulling out the $100 I remembered putting in there. I walked in-between the two and slid the $100 bill underneath the plastic shield dividing the box office lady and us. She grumbled while fumbling with the change and slid two tickets under in return. 'Thank you' I mouthed, flicking her a smile in hopes of it pissing her off even more.

I passed the two tickets to Calum and Ashton as we walked away from the now 'sold out' ticket booth. I was pretty impressed with myself doing a selfless action for someone with the money I had earned from sex-work. I never really paid for anything for anyone, only myself. I was a money-hungry whore, what can I say?

But maybe change was instilling in me, maybe I was becoming a brand new person I had hoped to become after the party. Maybe I was becoming a better person overall.

Once we were back at the car, Ashton and Calum decided that they were going to wait in line for the venue. That was going to leave Luke and I alone together for the rest of the day, well into the night.

"Alright," Ashton sighed, "Michael, you take care of the car and make sure you guys are back to pick us up at 11 alright?" Ashton threw me the car keys and I caught them one-handed. Another point going onto my impression scale. I nodded as the sound of the jangling keys rang in my ears.

"And if you're going to have sex again, use protection." Calum winked more in Luke's direction as a blush formed across his face.

In a small voice he retaliated, "We're not going to have sex again."

We both laughed and for the first time the atmosphere didn't feel heavy, it felt light. It felt genuine and not half-hearted. Maybe him opening up wasn't such a bad thing after all.

Today felt good. Today felt like something was going to change, for the better.