The Wounds of Our Past // Gerard Way x reader

20. the new look

Long ago, we wore skeleton makeup on stage.

Gerard had face paint in his makeup box and I went to town. I took my makeup off. He looked over at me, guilt written on his face. Minutes ago, he broke up with me, in result, giving me a pretty big panic attack. It was over as quick as it started. It didn't drag, and we were able to get through it pretty fast. Should I be mad at him for doing that to me, pretty much right before our big show? Hell yeah.

But, I know he wasn't thinking about the full picture.

Mark my words though, if he does that to me again, his ass is grass.

I know it's gonna take me a while to get ready again. Especially on my own. "Gerard, I won't be out there on time with you guys." He blinked blankly at me, processing what I had just said. Next thing I knew, he brought out the guys and the team in his dressing room, while I was painting my face white.

"Um, we have to rethink how y/n is gonna be brought out on stage"

Everyone was pissed. A few heard my sobs, and gave dirty looks to Gerard. Frank then said, "Why do we have to do that?" "It's a long story." I replied blankly, still doing my makeup. "What if-" Ray started, "you come out playing cancer, after we play im not okay and Mikey will come out with give 'em hell? We can play a quick video of you playing it from the last show you were in, back in 2008, and the second half of the song, you're there, finishing the song?" I looked up at him. "Damn, Toro. Can we do that?"

And just like that, the team found a good video, with okay ish audio, of my most recent show. They were gonna play that, and while they did, I would head on the dark stage, sit at my piano, and wait to finish the song. So, we had that settled, thankfully, and everyone went back to where they were needed. Gerard stayed with me though. Obviously, we were in his dressing room.

I just kept silently applying my makeup. I was half way done. Gerard opened his mouth to say something until Nicholas barged in, carrying something black. "Y/n! What the hell happened?" I turned to face him and he jumped at the sight of my face. "I- okay. I got word from the team about your "look" getting destroyed." I nodded and said, "Oh, it's really nothing..."  "Well, I was able to pull some strings, and I got a new costume for you... it might even match your uh, skeleton makeup. Well, 30 minutes till the show!" He handed me a large black bag, and walked out.

I pulled the costume out. It was a black and sliver marching band outfit. It looked a lot like our old costumes for the black parade. I wore what the guys wore. But this costume had a skirt. And the whole body of the outfit had red beading that resembled blood splotches. I smiled looking at it. It really was something else.

I set it down, and continued my makeup.

"y/n...?"

I paused for a second, but kept painting my face. "Yeah?" I was followed with silence. "Gerard?" I heard him sniff. I sighed and said, "Listen, what you did sucked. It was fucking gutted, Gerard. And it was one hell of a mistake. But it's okay. We're okay. Everything is fixed. And, Im gonna look way better out there anyway. You're okay. I love you, alright? You're still my number one."

He totally broke down. The weight of the whole situation set in on both of us. From his perspective, he was gonna play on stage, for the first time with this band in 10 years. And I knew, he was self conscious about how he looked. He was gorgeous, but he didn't feel that way. Plus, we're dating and had to hide it. It's a lot to handle.

I got up and held them in the couch they were sitting on. He crawled onto my lap and started softly sobbing onto my shoulder. I just held him as he let it all out, slowly drawing circles on his back. "Shh, it's okay baby... You're gonna be awesome out there-" The crying worsened. He was breathing out about how he can't do this and how he felt horrible about how he looked. I was totally heart broken. If I didn't cry my eyes out earlier, I would have now. "You are perfect Gerard. Totally perfect. And those people out there see you how I see you. You're gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous. I love you and they love you too." He calmed down and smiled.

He grabbed the makeup box. "Can I finish your makeup?" I smiled and nodded. He finished my face pretty quickly, and I looked rad. I kissed him lightly, and he brushed out my hair with his fingers. Eventually, it was ten minutes before the show started. He had to get near the stage, while I had to get dressed. He stood up, ready to give a show. But I wanted to give him some extra motivation.

I smirked. He was facing the other way. I carefully got undressed. I only had my underwear and bra on. He turned to give me a quick kiss and leave, but all I heard was a gasp. "Y/n...? Uh-" I walked up to him, placing my hands on his shoulders. "Yeah~" I kissed his cheek, leaving a black kiss mark from my black painted lips. "You look..." He breathed out shakily, looking me up and down. "Stunning..." I blushed under my makeup. "So do you..." I said, smiling. He nodded "no." I pouted and held him up against my bare chest. "Don't do that. You're my everything... and maybe..." I smirked, and his breath hitched, "I can prove it to you later?"

His eyes widened, and i kissed his other cheek. "You gotta go! I'll see you on the stage soon baby!" I pushed him out the door as he was a blushing, stuttering mess.
I turned and looked at my costume. I guess this really is happening. I got dressed, and put on my white docs.
I fixed my hair and put a pair of false lashes on. Finally, I put on black, fingerless gloves.

I walked towards the back of the stage.

They had just started, and the crowds were roaring. I could hear the smile Gerard wore while he sang. I saw Mikey back with me. He pressed a tight smile and nudged me. I smiled. Maybe things are getting better? I got closer to the stage, and saw Gerard, Frank, and Ray up there. It was an out of body feeling. I wore a huge smile on my face. What felt like seconds later, Mikey appeared out of no where playing the bass. Give 'em hell started. The second the arena saw him, they erupted with cheers and screams. I even saw a few people start crying.

I looked at him. He always had this blank persona that he would wear on stage. Not this time though. They were all cheering for him. So many videos and pictures of him were being taken. I was so proud of him.

Soon enough, the song ended. And an eerie video started to play on the big screen behind the guys. They all left the stage, and it got dark. That was my que. I carefully entered the stage, and sat at my piano. No one saw me go on stage.

The video started to play sound and I looked up. It was me. The date was 3/7/08. I was playing the beginning of the song cancer. I heard people start crying, and singing along with me in the video. The video ended abruptly after the first chorus. I took a deep breath. The stage was still pitch black, and the arena became suddenly quiet. I started playing the second part of the song. The crowd grew loud again, but I knew, they were gonna get even crazier soon.

Right before I was about sing into the mic, a bright spotlight shined on me. I closed my eyes and sang,

"Now turn away, cause Im awful just to see-"