The Wounds of Our Past // Gerard Way x reader

30. lies?

We still had our eyes closed. I heard Mikey let out a big breath. "Do you feel any different?" I asked. "No, not really." "Yeah me too."

"I'm gonna open my eyes."

I'm gonna open my eyes?

Wait.

Oh my god.

Don't fucking tell me....

Everything's coming back.

The nights and dates I shared with Gerard.

Our new tour.

Him and I being together.

Him loving me.

I forced my eyes open.

Mikey was staring at me blankly. I looked around. Our hotel room was fine. The walls were the same as before. The board was still intact. I looked up at him, feeling the need to vomit. Everything was spinning. My head hurt so bad. My body felt like it had been thrown down serval flights of stairs.

Have I said that before??? Oh my god! No no no no! It wasn't fake! It wasn't! Gerard loves me! I can't breathe! Mikey's talking to me and I can't fucking hear him! I look around. The windows aren't boarded up, the clock has the date of 2008.

It wasn't real.

That board lied to me.

I quickly push it away from me and stand up.

"Y/n! Are you okay??? It was just a hoax! The board did nothing! It's okay-"
I don't even give him time to finish. I leave the room and run to Gerard's. He loves me. I love him. He doesn't know that I know! That's- That's what the board wanted me to see! Yes! That's it!

I rapidly bang on his door.

I hear him cursing out at me for disturbing him. He opens it looking pissed off. "Gerard!" I smile so big. He is in his 20s! Oh, how it's been so long since I've seen him like this! I have Gerard back! I can't help but start sobbing! "Geez, look, I was only pulling your leg about kicking you out the band, alright?" He said, annoyed. I just nod no and hug him.

He wasn't expecting it, but that's okay.

"Gerard, I love you so much..." I whispered into his chest. I feel him freeze. He's happy! He's loved me for years! He just never told me! That's what he said i during that... dream? that the board gave me?? Who cares! I have Gerard and that's all that matters right now.

I feel him push me off. Oh, he's still trying to act all "tough guy." "You're... in love with me...?" I frowned. Of course I'm in love with him! "Yes, I-" He motioned to stop me. "Listen, I'm flattered, really, but, you're just not my type."

No.

That's a lie.

He's lying.

I know he loves me.

He told me so...

Through the board.

The board...?

"No, you don't have to pretend... I know you love me back... That's why you treat me bad. 'cause you love me! You thought- you think Mikey loves me and I love him, but, Gerard, I love you! You're my everything! I want to be with you!!"

He gapes his mouth open, "y/n, are you feeling alright? What did Frank or Mikey give you? Are you sober right now?" "I'm plenty sober! Gerard, I know you love me! Please tell me you do!" He just sighed, "I think you need to lay down"

He doesn't love me.

He doesn't care about me.

What was I thinking?

I spent months in that dream like state, in that forsaken board, and it was all a lie. There was no truth behind anything. Gerard is not in love with me.

"I thought.... you loved me... I'm sorry..."

"Y/n, you're great. I know I dont treat you like I think that way, but I do think highly of you. Even while not liking you. What I'm trying to say is that, I don't love you like you think you love me. In all honesty, I don't ever seen myself being in love with you."

It's like something finally cracked in me.
I stopped breathing.
All my surroundings were ignored.
I don't understand.
My chest tightens as I begin to cough violently. I can hear Gerard panic at the sight of me. Why does he care? Something thick and wet hits my hand. It's blood. I'm coughing blood. That's why he's worried.
I look at him. He's all blurry. My red stained hands reach up for him but they don't ruin his being. The last thing I see is his widening eyes as I fall hard on my back.