The Offering

Chapter Seventy - Aeris

An exhausted sigh escapes my lips as I stand in front of her door, the day had been long, standing in that hall and watching as each lord bowed before our new king. My eyes constantly finding Daella as she stood with the other chosen, and each moment I could remember from last night played in my mind over and over again. She had stayed there with me all night until Alvaryn had eventually suggested we try and sleep.

Even with Daella beside me I hadn't slept.

The anger inside me didn't want me to sleep, no it wanted me to lie awake, fire burning and rage fighting inside of me. It had wanted me to see their bodies lying in their bed, cold and lifeless. It had wanted me to see their coffins side by side before they were buried in the ground. It had wanted me to envision every moment of torture I had planned for Arden and Callin and anyone else who had aided in their death. And so I had. I had given into the anger and the rage and I had lie awake, everything warring inside of me desperate to get out.

And then, when I had stood and watched as Demwyn became King something inside of me snapped into place. A decision was made. It didn't help with the anger, it didn't change my plans for my future revenge, but it did make things clearer.

I knock on the closed door and wait for Daella to open it, she smiles up at me, it isn't her usual happy smile, no it is tinged with sadness which is to be expected, it is the same smile so many had given me since their deaths. She stands up on her toes and places a hand on my face and kisses me softly and I feel myself give into it, needing a reprieve from the anger and violence.

"Come in." She says, taking my hand and pulling me inside the warm room. I glance at the fireplace, images from last night flashing through my mind. "Are you alright? After the coronation and everything, have you seen Alvaryn?" She asks sitting on the edge of the bed.

I sit beside her and nod slowly.

"Alvaryn will be here soon, but first, I need to apologize." I begin.

"For what?" She asks, expression utterly confused and innocent.

"For last night. I'm sorry for slipping so easily, I don't want to go back to that life, I don't want to go back to drowning day in and day out. Alvaryn was right, I was trying to forget what was happening, I thought it would make me feel better. I didn't want to feel everything that was going through me and so the first thing I turned to was drinking." I stare at my lap, not wanting to look at her, I didn't deserve to.

"Aeris, you were upset, something horrible happened and you did what you thought would help." She says smoothing her hand over my hair and down my back. "You don't have to apologize, you made a mistake but then you realised and came back."

I shake my head, feeling my anger rising up and taking hold. The reprieve was short lived.

"I should not have slipped so easily. How can I be good enough for you, how can I promise to be a good husband or a good anything if I can't even stop myself from falling back to drinking as soon as something bad happens?" I ask myself, trying to help her understand and not wanting her to at the same time. "If Alvaryn hadn't found me and dragged me back here I would have only drank more and who knows where I would have wound up?"

"This wasn't just something bad Aeris, your parents were murdered and you went to their funeral, you had every right to be upset and angry and a little lost, nothing like this has ever happened and you didn't know what to do, how to handle it. Yes it was lucky that Alvaryn was there and bought you back here, but even the night before when I found you in the halls, you didn't run away, you came looking for me." Her hand grips my arm, willing me to hear her, to believe her and I want to.

"Yes, I came looking for you." I agree with her, the memories fuzzy. "And that was how Alvaryn found me last night, I had come looking for you again, only he had tried to take the bottle from my hands first and I didn't want him to."

"I don't care that you drank Aeris, I don't care that in your lowest, most difficult moment you turned to a bottle. I know it will take time, that leaving your old life behind won't just happen overnight. Just because you slip up and make mistakes doesn't mean you are not good enough, or that you are a bad person." She says, hands taking each side of my face and forcing me to look down at her.

Sapphire eyes find mine and I am lost in them, utterly and completely lost.

"I just want you to know that I don't want that life." I tell her. "Today, when I watched Demwyn swear his vows and make his oath, something happened." I say, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "We have always known that one day Demwyn would rule, but even after all the lessons and training and the constant knowledge, it had still seemed so far away, something that would happen in the future. But when I stood beside him and swore my loyalty to him, I had meant it. I want to stand with him, I want to be at his side while he rules and do my duty as Prince." I smooth another strand of hair away from her face. "But in order to do it Demwyn needs to accept us, he needs to accept you and allow us to marry. I love my brother, and I want to support him, but you, you are more important."

She leans back, eyes widening in surprise, a near silent gasp as she lets go of my face, looking down at her lap and blinking, once, twice.

"You can't," She stops herself, looking back at me. "He's your brother Aeris, he's your King. You can't choose me over him!"

I listen to the way her heartbeat rises, beating faster with each moment, growing anxious in my news. I only smile down at her.

"I can. Before you came into my life I was lost, even with my brothers beside me, even with their love, I was still drowning every day, living a false life and I hated myself, hated who I had become. They had stood by and accepted me, they stopped trying to change me, stopped trying to help me. It wasn't until you came along that I truly woke up, I started to see the daylight." I smile at her. "I started changing because I wanted to be better, I wanted to be better for you, but also for myself. I finally had a reason to change, to see the life I was living for what it truly was and see how unhappy I was in it, even with their love. Without you I wouldn't have that, I would fall back into that life of arrogance and self-loathing. I don't want to go back to that life Daella. I won't give you up just to make my brother happy. Demwyn needs to accept that you will be a part of my life and only then will I stand by his side and move past the anger and resentment I have towards him."

"That is a big decision Aeris, I mean...what if he says no?" She whispers like she is afraid he will hear.

"I don't want to think about it either, but I know how I feel, and if he chooses to say no, then I will do what I must." I tell her trying to ease her concerns but her heart continues to beat too fast. "You don't have to be afraid." I say quietly. "This is my decision to make, and I'm not afraid to make it. I will give him the choice, it will be up to him to decide."

She shakes her head, eyes worried and I pull her against my chest, wrapping my arms around her to try and calm her.

"It's alright my Daylight, we will have our future together and that is all that matters."

I feel the anger shift to the background as Daella settles into me. I think about our future, of being together and no longer having to hide and pretend. It was enough for the anger to release its hold and let me finally take a breath without its tight grip constricting me.

I knew I was right in my decision, only Daella could quiet the anger, she even settled the fire that constantly burned. It was why I had drank so much, it helped dull the senses and all the anger and rage was never as constricting when I was awash in a haze of liquor. All the decisions I had made while I was drunk were just consequences to that.

I knew I wouldn't go back to that life.

I had made my choice.

And I wouldn't give her up for anyone.