The Wolf Series #3: Between Two Worlds

Chapter 32

Chapter 32

France, Four Years Ago...

No one is going to save me.

It's the realization I have as I stare out the window of the meditation room. No one was going to get me through this other than me.

I sit there in pained silence. If I stay still then nothing will hurt. It almost feels like everything isn't broken up inside.

Serani's whip feels fresh on my back. Her lesson and words are seared into my mind and body. Choose. Choose between him and The Moon.

I chose Nataniel every time the question was asked. I still chose him every time the whip came down as an answer to my choice.

Nataniel whimpers softly and I move to pick him up. He stares at me with his wide, brown eyes and murmurs softly. I hold him to my chest, kissing the top of his little head. Shutting my eyes, beginning to cry. Empty, helpless sobs rattle my entire body. Soon, the baby in my arms is crying too.

I had been terrified that they would take him away from me again. But after weeks of Serani trying to drive the point home, Sashi has kept her word and let me raise him.

But how long can I keep this up? I won't ever let anything take priority over him...but can my body withstand any more of this? My Wolverine healing can only help so far, especially with the silver that restrains most of my physical capabilities.

I even turned Adrian away. I regretted it then, when I limped away from him in the courtyard. I regret it now as I curl up over this swaddled, innocent baby and cry until breath my no longer required to express my agony.

I was wrong to turn away his help, just as much as I was right. No child—not person—should have to endure this kind of suffering and misery. But this is where I need to be. This is where my true path starts. This is where I learn how to kill my enemies.

But is this really the right place for a child to be raised? Growing up in an empty house and being taken care of by Richard's mom almost seems like heaven compared to what I've willingly subjected my son too.

In the end, I couldn't even get motherhood right. A shit mate. A shit Prophet. A shit, good-for-nothing mom.

"Fuck!" My despair only drives the newborn in my arms more frantic. I try to calm myself down for his sake. But it's almost impossible—I'm so furious! I don't know what to do! "I don't know what to do! Fuck!"

I can't jump out of that fucking window because then he would be all alone. Alone with the brutes that have the audacity to disguise themselves as the Wolves' saviors.

My hand bleeds as I bury my teeth deep within the flesh between my thumb and fingers. Tears and blood mix in my mouth...and then I see his face.

"Shh," I pull myself together and rock him soothingly. He's quick to calm down, and I hum until he stops hiccuping, "Shh, nene. You're going to be okay. We're going to be okay."

I hope.

Looking back at him, I brush his mess of dark hair from his chubby face, "Nene...sweet, little nene. I feel like I owe you an apology."

My baby only stares at me, unable to comprehend these words of regret. I barely understand them myself. I'm barely twenty-one and I have no idea how to take control of my own life, let alone this innocent thing in my arms.