Kiss Practice (Jake & Jungwon Fanfic)

Lifelong question

Jungwon had stood up to grab his cigarettes after the deed, while Jake was staring at him, still seated on the bed.

"On a date?" replied Jungwon, as if it was the most absurd thing ever.
"You don't need to take me on dates anymore. Don't trouble yourself."

Jungwon's condescending tone made Jake tick.

"But I want to go on dates with you. Did you not like the ones we had until now? I don't want to force you, but-"

"Dates are clearly a waste of time, especially given our relationship."

"Well, what's our relationship exactly?"

"Isn't it just sex?"

Jake was loosing his mind.

"If so, why did you accept to go on dates with me all this time?"

Jungwon didn't reply. He thought for a second, before saying,

"Well, if you don't want this anymore, we can just stop."

"No, no, no, no, no," immediately exclaimed Jake, trying to get a hold of Jungwon's eyes.
"Hey, I'm sorry if I offended you in any way, it wasn't my intention. I don't want to stop seeing you, and I don't want to be a bother either, I'm just trying to understand. I don't want there to be any misunderstanding between us."

"There is no misunderstanding," laughed Jungwon. "It's all very clear. Now, do you want to keep this going or not?"

"Yes! I just want to be sure you want to as well!"

Jungwon stayed mute.

"I'm the one inviting you now aren't I? Doesn't it answer your question?" he finally said.

It was Jake's turn to not reply. He ended up nodding and a very uneasy silence ensued. Jake had made another mistake that he didn't get.

To lighten the mood, he decided to joke a little by asking,

"By the way, what do you think about my kisses now?"

"Wow, this question is nostalgic," replied Jungwon, seeming a little more at ease.

"You were the first to evoke it the night we met again," laughed Jake.

Jungwon thought for a second, walking to the window while taking out a cigarette.

"Well...," he finally answered. "You're as bad as ever!"

Jungwon laughed, but Jake didn't.

He may have asked that as a joke, but he now realized this answer was not a joke to him. His whole life replayed in his head:
All these years he spent training to perfect his technique, all these partners telling him he was such a good kisser, all this...to hear the only opinion that mattered telling him he was "as bad as ever".

Jake was so shook and mad at himself for being hurt by this answer that he simply breathed,

"Maybe we just aren't compatible."

Jungwon jumped. Jake didn't notice.

He didn't notice Jungwon's trembling hand on his cigarette while putting it to his lips either, nor the trembling in his voice when he replied,

"You just need practice, that's it."

The debate died there.

Rather than Jungwon's harsh words or his cold attitude, rather than his impossible casualness or his closed-off heart, it's those words that made Jake realized he had been completely and utterly rejected.

Jungwon couldn't care less about him. Just like he couldn't care less about him back in highschool. Jake was just so completely blinded by his admiration that he went and became obsessed on his own.

That's why Jake never needed to take him on dates, why Jungwon was never available. He just was here for the fun of it, nothing deeper.

Jake felt so embarrassed to have bothered Jungwon so much without seeing the signs. Harassing him for just a bit of his time, when he clearly wasn't that into it.

He faced the reality and felt relieved.

But damn, did it hurt!

Jake had put a name on this undying feeling that followed him from highschool up until his now adult days, just to see it turned down before he could even verbalize it.

Jake cursed his past self for ever asking Jungwon this fateful question that made him end up here, heartbroken. He fell back onto the pillows and sighed while starting to scroll on his phone, waiting for Jungwon to finish his smoke and leave, as usual.

Meanwhile, frozen, his cigarette between his lips, his eyes desperately chasing for Jake's gaze, Jungwon looked about to cry.