𝕭𝖔𝖔𝖐 𝕿𝖜𝖔
𝔖𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: From trolls to dragons to foreign princesses, Astraea Aphelion grows stronger as she
continues to navigate medieval Britain using her wit and heart, standing unshaken beside Merlin and Arthur as they face every threa...
I felt drained as I laid on my bed, hugging my Captain America pillow to my chest. Yet, I was wide awake and I knew that my chances of getting any sleep that night were slim to none as past demons taunted me with the dark thoughts that swirled in my mind.
They were illogical. Foolish. And yet, they were doing a good job of convincing me that they held a strong point. A good job indeed, as I found myself listening and believing them. They had a point.
It had been so long since I last experienced a panic attack, and now, suddenly, I felt like a fifteen year old girl locked inside the school bathroom fighting to breathe all over again. Alone and helpless. It didn't seem to matter at the moment that I was lightyears away from where that girl had stood – both physically and mentally. I now had a loving family, a best friend who would kill for me, and a romantic relationship with a great guy: a Prince, for crying out loud!
And still, the haunting thoughts persisted: 'You care more than you should and you'll fall too hard when all that you hold in your heart is inevitably ripped away from you. It has happened before, it's just a matter of time. Run before it's too late.'
The demons' claims were not unfounded.
Despite the fact that Arthur and Merlin had returned from the fight against Kilgharrah unharmed, it was only a matter of time before the next threat arose – and then what? Something is bound to defeat them at some point. They're not immortal, they will be ripped away from me when I least expect it.
So what is the point of it all? Why should I continue to pursue a relationship with Arthur if it's only going to end in heartbreak? 'He'll get himself killed at any moment, or Uther might marry him off for political gain, or he'll realise that he can do better – and then what?'
And Merlin? 'Well he, too, is bound to end up six feet under before long. Everyone is always trying to kill him!'
Dallas – well, I kept on placing him in danger. What if I got him killed, too? 'What if he gets sick, like Galileah? Or what if he gets into a freak accident like Skylo?'
Lung constriction. Accelerated heartbeat. Black spots. The demons got what they wanted.
"Oh, no – not again," I heard a worried voice and noticed that the doors to my room had flown open without me noticing. Merlin rushed to my side and pulled me up from my lying position, then removed Captain America and hugged me.
I clung to him tightly and cried onto his shoulder, still struggling to catch my breath.
"You are okay, Arthur and I are okay, everyone is okay. Just breathe," he spoke softly yet shaky.
