Forget me

20

I've been sitting on the edge of the quadrant for 4 hours , my feet dangling into the air   . I sit here when I need to clear my head . Its always quiet , here is room for my billion thoughts . There is something welcoming in silence . Silence recives you with open arms and holds you tight until you feel better . I went to visit my mother today ... It broke my heart to see her today . She is all skin and bones . She recognised me today . It broke me even more . She pushed through her unbearable pain just for her fingers to graze the apple of my cheek . It was the first time in 3 years that she touched me . Through her wincing she even told me that she was proud of me . Me . It was the first time I heard something like that . She called me beautiful . I put my head in my hands and press my fingernails into my head . Its cold I'm still frustrated . Cupcakes whimpers and I pet her head . Staring out into nothingness . I stand up and walk inside . The warmth hits and I feel the dew melt off of my face as I make my way to my quarters . I quietly open my door and enter my room  . My mouth pulls tight and I'm blinded by the glossy tears filling my eyes . I sigh as I look up in the air .
" Clara "
Xander's expression changes as if he's confused ... Xander has never seen me cry before . He pulls me closer wrapping his hands around my body he takes his hand and gently  places my head on his shoulder . I breathe in his scent and hug him tightly . He strokes my hair . I just stand there your favorite rag doll , lost  ,forgotten but found again . I pull away and wipe my tears from my cheeks looking away . My nose is raw and red my eyes are swollen . Xander takes my chin and directs it back to him . I swallow . I blink , he blinks then . His nose grazes mine and his lips land on mine . His lips are pillowy soft  it's the softest , gentlest most welcoming kiss ever . Its my first kiss . The kiss intensifies he's kissing me a bit harder . I melt , the ice on my lips melt , my cold bones ignite , I feel the wildflowers grow in my heart . He pulls away for a second catching his breath , I don't open my eyes , because what if I open it and realise it's all just a dream . I dare to open my eyes and stare directly at Xander . He clears his throat .
" Sorry "
I bite my bottom lip " It's okay " my voice cracking a bit . I walk to my bathroom and change into pajamas . I wash the makeup off of my face and brush my teeth when I come back into my room Xander is already on the floor with a pillow and blanket . I softly climb into my bed and lay on my back feeling the good pain from my back relaxing . Each bone setting into the foam of my mattress .
" Good night Xander " I say reaching for my lamp
" Night Clara " I hear him turn to his side and I do the same . I switch off the lamp and close my eyes . It's silent for a moment until Xander speaks .
" Clara?  "
" Yes ? "
" Why do you have those scars on your back? "
I consider telling him and take a deep breath and exhale .
" They were my birthday presents "
" What ? " he says propping himself up on his elbows . I remain on my side
" Every year since I turned 12 "
" You mean you got beaten ? "
" Mhm "
I feel the atmosphere change in the room .
" Geez , I'm so sorry . "
" It's fine "

" Do they hurt ? " he asks
" Not really , I pretty much lost feeling on my back . It's basically numb . "
" Wow " he says falling back onto the floor . Xander is silent now too silent .

' Are you okay ? ' is what I want to ask but I just stay silent . I think that is enough of an awnser