Our Space

Chapter 2

As Sami sat in his dorm room, staring at the wall, he thought about where he should start for his search for a wife. Day by day, his loneliness was getting out of control, leaving him feeling so empty. His best friend was married which meant that he'd found a new best friend and there wasn't much time for him to spend with Sami. And Sami somewhat resented his roommate. How could he not resent the guy who hardly did the chores he was assigned to. Sometimes Sami thought assigning him to chores was just more work for him. A couple of days ago, his roommate made dinner and left the kitchen in a huge mess which took Sami ages to clean up. This was what he was paying extra for? Sami decided as soon as he had saved up enough of his own money, he was going to buy his own flat whether he was still studying in university or not, even if it meant he had to skip meals.

Where was she? He needed her. He had no idea who she was but he needed her. A wife was one of Sami's only choices to have someone close in his life. He had plenty of friends, really good ones. But it wasn't the same. As soon as he was indoors, reality would kick in and he'd be reminded that he didn't have someone who he would consider to have unconditional love for him. He often thought about going back to his mother and sister, trying his best to fix the distance. But the emotional distance was far too great and the mere thought almost brought on a panic attack. Especially after the incident from Eid.(1) No matter what, Sami always visited his mum and called his dad on Eid.

Last Eid, Sami went home, though he thought it strange to call that house his home for he didn't live there anymore. Sami felt almost homeless at times. He felt a house wasn't a home unless there were loved ones. Sure, he loved his parents somewhere deep inside. It was present as a yearning to be loved during his early teens. Somewhere along the lines, that yearning for his parents shifted to a yearning for a wife. Though he didn't mean to, Sami felt himself giving up on his parents. Nonetheless, through his Islamic duties, he tried to keep in contact.

At the house of his mother and sister, Sami stood outside, waiting after ringing the bell. The weather was pleasant and Sami felt good. That was until no one opened the door. Sami waited and rang the bell again. He waited some more before he thought no one was home. He phoned his mother but there was no reply. That's when Sami felt the rate of his heartbeat speeding up. He sat on the wall and took a few deep breaths before calling his sister. He'd travelled three hours, lugging a suitcase with a week's worth of necessities, using public transport to get here. Of course, his sister didn't answer either. Sami convinced himself that they were out. He thought to call his father in the meantime, taking a few more deep breaths to calm his heart rate. His counsellor said that focusing on his breathing would help.

Trying not to plan what he was going to say, and ignoring every feeling he felt, Sami dialled his father's number.

"Asalamu'alaykum,(2)" Sami said after his father picked up. At least someone's phone is working! He thought to himself.

"Wa'alaykumusalaam.(3) How are you, Sami?"

"Alhamdulillah(4) I'm... I'm okay. You?"

"I'm okay. Busy with work as usual," His father replied.

"No day off for Eid?"

"It's Eid?" His father asked. Sami paused, taking in what his father just said. He doesn't know? Sami didn't know whether to laugh or cry. How could his father be unaware of that fact that it was Eid!

"Yeah,"

"Which one?"

"Eid al-Adha. Can't be Eid ul-Fitr. No Ramadan.(5)" How could a Muslim get both Eids mixed up?

"Oh right. Yeah, makes sense. My head has just been all over the place lately. Anyway, I'm leaving for the airport so I'll talk later."

"You're coming home?" Sami asked and almost slapped himself for sounding like a weak and lost child. That's not how he intended to say it nor did that reflect the way he felt.