Our Space

Chapter 13

Though he had been warned by several people that it can take a very long time to meet the right person, the initial excitement had worn off for Sami. It had been months and Sami had been to more meetings than he cared to remember. Yet, that one girl couldn't be found.

He had gotten as far as the third meeting a couple of times, but something always got in the way. Sami tried not to lose heart and sought comfort in the knowledge that he prayed istikhara(1) before every meeting, and whatever the results were, Allah had decreed it because He had another plan for Sami.

In one of Sami's Sunday Arabic classes, his teacher noticed a difference in Sami's mood. He wasn't as enthusiastic as he usually was which concerned his teacher. At the end of the class, while everyone packed to go home, Sami was called to stay back.

"What's wrong? And don't tell me it's nothing and make me do the work of prying it out of you," Sami's teacher said with a smile. Sami returned the smile with his own and then sighed before he explained his predicament.

"Well, to be honest, it's just this whole marriage process and meeting the right person. It's taking so long and I can't seem to find anyone who I like as she is who will like me back as I am. I sometimes worry that my standards are too high. I don't know what to do."

"These things always take time and patience. If you want, I can help you look. I know of fathers looking for spouses for their daughters."

"That would be fantastic!" Sami said, feeling grateful. He was sure his teacher knew of better women than his friends did.

"Great. What sort of wife are you looking for? Anything I should know beforehand?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you have any conditions such as, does she have to stay at home or does she have to have a degree?"

"No, I don't really care that much. I just want her to prioritise her family. Other than that, just a practising girl would do."

"That doesn't sound like high standards to me."

"I get rejected a lot."

"Why do you think that is?"

"I think I'm a little too honest in my first meetings. It was the advice I got from one of the fathers of a girl I met. If there's something I find that I disagree with, I bring it up instead of delaying it and hoping the girl would change. For example, there was one girl who had all the qualities I wanted but she wore skinny jeans with knee length dresses. I told her I want my wife to wear an abaya and she said she's not willing to compromise in that aspect until she's ready and that she's not sure how many years it will take for her to be ready. I told her that I have a different interpretation of modesty to her and that I find my version of my wife's modesty very important so we didn't take things further because of that. There's also the issue of my work. Girls really want successful rich guys and I don't fit that description at all."

"Maybe you should tone your honesty down a little. People are easily offended."

"I don't say it in an offensive way. I ask out of necessary curiosity."

"Sami, I think you have standards you don't know about. Like your interpretation of modesty. It's okay that you want that but there are practising girls who don't don a loose abaya."

"I thought that sort of attire came with being practising."

"It's about interpretation. But I think I know what kind of girl you're looking for," Sami's teacher said with an understanding settling upon him. "I'll keep an eye out for you." Sami thanked him, again feeling extremely grateful.