Our Space

Chapter 19

While Sami's mother and sister were in the process of moving to London, Sami was called for an interview at a school he applied to. He had been applying to several places over the past couple of years. Having no other experience other than his Psychology degree, not many workers were interested in hiring Sami. Every now and then he'd get through to the interview stage before getting rejected. Sami wasn't sure whether to be hopeful this time since all the past rejections had left him feeling down.

The position was for a Learning Mentor and Sami was sure he was capable enough for the role. He was tired of working at the bookstore and he wasn't going to settle as a supervisor there any longer. He needed to make use of his degree.

Before leaving home for the interview, Sami decided to phone his mother and ask for her prayers.

"Asalamu'alaykum," He said when she picked up.

"Wa'alaykumusalaam," She replied.

"I'm g...going for an interview and er... I wanted to ask you t...to make du'a for me."

"Oh." There was a short silence. "In'sha'Allah you'll do well. May Allah make you successful."

"Jazak'Allah khair." Another short silence. "Are you at home?"

"Yes."

"In London?"

"No, Manahil is. Your father's here. He said he'd prefer to meet us here rather than traveling to London where he doesn't know anyone."

"Monthly visits?"

"Yes."

"Okay, give my salaam," Sami said and he soon hung up.

After praying Zuhr at the masjid, Sami left for the interview, muttering prayers under his breath. He hoped this was it. That finally he'd have a better job and be a little more stable.

The interview had gone normal. There was a little stuttering but Sami managed to answer all the questions. His past interviews had been similar so Sami didn't know how to feel.

For the following week, Sami's sadness still had a hold on him. He tried shaking it off and sometimes he succeeded, but it was always temporary. The feeling of having a grey cloud over him had become a second nature to Sami.

The amount of guilt inside Sami felt like it was almost too much to bear. He wanted to make things right and he was trying, things were improving. But it wasn't enough! He wanted to take his past back and be there for his family. It felt like things could never be normal, ever. He could never have a normal bond with them. It was too late and it was his fault.

There was also the shame he felt in front of his Lord every time he stood to pray. The Qur'an told a person not to say uff to their parents but what had Sami done? Forget uff, he abandoned his mother! Surely over time the guilt should have eased. But it just wasn't leaving. Sami thought about how if he had someone who truly understood him and understood he didn't mean to make the mistakes he did, he wouldn't feel so guilty.

After much suffering, a week after the interview, Sami was sat in the masjid, holding back his tears as he prayed to Allah, asking for forgiveness again. Salaah was over and there were only a few people scattered around. Once Sami finished, a man approached him. Sami recognised him as being one of the recent regulars.

"Asalamu'alaykum, brother."

"Wa'alaykumusalaam," Sami replied.

"If you don't mind me asking, are you okay?" The man asked. Sami noticed that the man had a mixed accent. It sounded a bit Canadian and a bit Arab.