Our Space

Chapter 11

Sami had settled into a routine. During the week, he'd work long hours at the bookshop and return home exhausted. During the weekend, he'd go grocery shopping and stock up on frozen foods and a new range of halal world foods. Every evening, he'd either heat these foods or order a pizza. He knew the meals probably weren't very healthy so he tried to balance his daily intake of food with porridge and boiled eggs in the morning and a sandwich with wholemeal bread for lunch, snacking on nuts and fruit in between.

Saturday was usually spent doing laundry, ironing, cleaning his apartment and tracking his finances. Since Sami moved, he hadn't been able to attend the football matches as they were too far away. He'd asked Ali if any of the local guys played and Ali had responded that he had no clue. All Ali was focused on was getting built. Sami decided it was time he saved up for a car. Maybe that way, he'd be able to start playing football again as travel wouldn't be as much of a problem.

On Sundays, Sami visited a masjid a little further away from his local one where an Imam taught Qur'an classes. As a kid, Sami was never pushed to learn the Qur'an with the correct pronunciations. Uncle Ahsan had given Sami a foundation for reading but after he passed away, Sami went through a few years of neglecting the Qur'an. In his mid-teens, he'd asked his mother to enroll him in some classes and she was surprised at the suggestion, but she sent him to the local masjid anyway. As he was an older student, they placed him with other students similar his age though they were far ahead of him.

The results were that Sami was still behind. He knew how to read, but he struggled with pronouncing letters as they should be pronounced. And there was the case of stuttering when he read out loud which needed to be fixed. Sami was determined to read better and try to start understanding what he was reading too. So usually, Sundays were spent reading Qur'an and its translation hours before the class even started. This also made Sami determined to make sure his future children took Arabic classes at an early age so they could read the beautiful book and understand it in its original form.

One Saturday evening, Sami decided to go to bed early, having finished all his chores and eating dinner earlier than usual. As he lay in bed, he felt another one of his lonely moments creeping up on him. The place was too silent. The last time Sami felt such silence was in his dorm room. This was worse. He could faintly hear cars whizzing outside but inside, he couldn't hear anything but his own breathing.

Sami wondered what would happen if he died in his sleep. How long would it take for someone to realise and come to look for him. How many days would Sami lie in his bed with his corpse rotting?

Who would care if he was gone?

That thought physically hurt Sami. Who would care? Muhammad? Ali? Harris? Would his mother and sister care? Would his father be affected? Sami thought about how easily they'd be able to move on. His friends would maybe be upset for a week. It would give them a shock but soon, they'd get busy in their own lives. His family rarely saw him anyway, and it's not like they ever tried to see him.

His mother called him last week. Usually, Sami called weekly but with the Hareem incident and settling into the new flat, he hadn't called his mother for a few weeks. He was surprised when she called. She just asked about the new flat and whether he had found work. Maybe that meant his mother would be affected if he died. But Sami couldn't shrug off the feeling that she'd be able to move on quickly because she rarely saw him anyway. His visited every month for a couple of hours, unable to force himself to stay longer. He still tried to spend Eid with his family, despite how uncomfortable it was. Maybe they'd miss him on Eid.

Sami reminded himself that he wasn't dying. But the thought had depressed him. If he died, he wanted someone to mourn him and speak fondly of him in the future. Sami wanted nothing more than to be loved, and for that love to be expressed.