Blurred Souls (Editing)

Chapter 3

Ever felt like you're worth nothing?

Ever felt like you're worth nothing? Ever felt like you're drowning in insecurities and self-doubts? Ever felt like your dreams are crushed by the doubts? Ever felt damaged? Ever like crying yourself to sleep every night?

Another sleepless night. I could feel the voices start again as I opened my eyes rather slowly. The voices in my head won't stop, they're only getting louder. Louder and louder. The voices won't stop. I tried to shut my eyes, but the voices keep getting louder and louder.

I was currently staring at myself into the mirror, in my pyjama, missing her more than ever. Loneliness filled into me as a sob of sorrows and sadness threatened to escape

"Mummy, where are you going?." The little girl asked her mum, her eyes watering.

"I can't take you there with me, princess. Stay with daddy, promise?"

The little girl nodded. Her mum smiled and kissed her cheek. Her mother's heart broke at the thought of leaving her little daughter to go to the doctor. Today she was going to either go home crying from happiness or sadness. But deeply she knew it was the latter if the blood she keeps on spitting weren't enough proof then her the swelling in her breast seemed to grow every day.

"I love you baby girl." The mother muttered, grabbing her child's little hand which was very tiny compared to hers. "If I ever leave this world, know that I love you so much and I will always be your guardian up there."

"I love you too, mum," I whispered. My mind was completely blank, I still wasn't over her death, and I don't think I could ever be. A mother is like your second half, impossible to forget.

A tear fell followed by another, I looked down at my love-shaped necklace. Holding it tightly with my shaky hand and tracing it with my fingers.

"Princess, come here," the little girl came closer, "take this, and I want you to promise you'll keep it yeah?"

"Pwomise, mummy."

"I love you so much baby girl, so much."

All these feelings need to be felt. We need to stomp and storm; to sob and cry; to perspire and tremble.*

And that's what I did; I cried silently.

The worst type of crying is the silent one, the one where everyone is asleep. The one where you feel it in your throat and your eyes become blurry from the tears. And worst of all the one you know you're alone.

I took a set of deep breaths and let them out slowly. I walked to the bathroom to wash my face, and splashed cold water onto my face, throwing me out of the way of the lugubrious thoughts.