A real story... My story.

Univeristy

I thought that this section could be a new one because of all the things I have to say. I literally have so much to say right now that I'm trying to get my mind straight about everything that has happened. lets start with frosh week I guess. My birthday was the first day of frosh week.... Cool right because it was the perfect timing for me to turn 18 the perfect time for me to be the age that I had always said id wanted right? Well the first day I got to the university tried to talk to people and no one wanted to talk to me it sucked. I tried to make friends but that wasn't really possible. So I felt alone on my birthday that's not the way I wanted to spend my 18th birthday... Alone...

So I called Justin and went into a room alone and talked to him and talked to my mom and then I tried again to find friends I found some but they ended out to be no good. We went to the Rideau center and went to the make up store and they were crazy literally I had never had that experience in my life. I liked it but I wouldn't be able to do that all the time. So once the day was over I was super happy about it and i was so tired i hadn't eaten all day and I just literally wanted to get home. Justin was there I knew he was when I got home but as I was walking to through the park well Justin walked by us and I turned around and started talking to him well that was a mistake let me tell you that. My brother went home and I kept talking to him about things in the park. When we got home my brother blew up and I freaked out and started crying i ran away form my house after calling my mom and asking her to talk to my brother. Well that made the situation so much worse. I cried so hard by my cars wheel I just sat there looking at the stars I felt so numb again I felt so sick. I cried and cried until my parents showed up at 1 in the morning. My mom took my phone yelled at Justin hit him and freaked out and then they made us break up.... My dad told me I was never to see him again. I hated them and I still do I just don't show it. I showed it and my parents threatened me to take me out of school and take everything away from me and threatened to hit me, so of course that pushed me farther from them and made me more determined to get out away from the family as fast as possible.

No that it's November 17th well I have moved out got fired have no money have no job and my life is fucked right now.On October 17th a month ago my mom came over and she found out that I was still seeing him. I don't give a shit what she says she fucking hit me and I had a fucking bruise to prove that thanks. She came over and gave me a dress and threatened me and yelled at me and I ran out side to get away from her she pulled me a pushed me around the fucking house and by the end. I never wanted her to touch me ever again. My dad showed up and he came to talk to me saying that he understood that I was 18 and that he needs to respect my decisions. He talked to my mom and she pretty much said good bye to me. I said I wasn't leaving but she didn't care at all. I just wanted to leave. So I did. I left, I got a piercing and then went to Justins for about a week. and then I never came home until i grabbed all my stuff and left. I moved out and my family thinks I am a huge disappointment, they stare at me like I am the problem, they hate me. You have no idea how much it hurts to have your mom stare at you like you are the biggest bitch in the world just because you fell in love with someone that finally FINALLY makes you happy. You might and then you can relate with me. It sux. 

And then my dad tries to make me feel guilty because they were "depressed" that they didn't eat that they cry all the time. Well welcome to the fucking dark side, here have some internal pain that will follow you around even after this situation is solved. Have the feeling of confusion and suddenly when you smile it makes you want to cry because it's the one time that you can actually be happy. Have the feel!

So now I am struggling for money for school my brother thinks I am an idiot I recently learned that my nanny or grandmother as some people call them, wanted to put a restraining order on the only person I love right now. And now I sit here alone in Justin's computer writing this because I feel so depressed and I am feeling like I am losing Justin in the fucked up journey. 

I didn't mean to do it you know. I never really mean to do it the pain just gets too much and I feel like I don't want to get back to that point that i was in grade 9 I don't want to feel numb. I need my music i need everything i had but now I have nothing and I feel so confused I just want everything to end. 

I didn't mean to do it. 

it's deep,

deeper then ever,

more red then any others. 

lasting longer then the others. 

Secret just like the others.