A real story... My story.

Getting Left Behind

Do you ever feel like you got left behind? I do all the time. For example, my best friend just got married, we had talked about her wedding, she said I was going to be invited, then I saw on facebook her wedding photos and my heart started throbbing in pain. I felt like I was no longer a thought in her mind, I was put on the back burner. Like always. Especially since she had said that I was going to be invited and then I see I wasn't even a second thought. 

My best friend who I consider my sister well she has a baby girl, she is almost 2 and well she didn't even tell me she was in labor when she had the baby. I found out on facebook because they posted a photo of my friend holding her baby girl. It was just a shitty way to find out. And since I'm like a sister to her and I have been through all these things with her in high school I thought maybe I would be the godmother. But no I wasn't even invited to the baptism... That hurt like a bitch. I actually cried from that. I was there for her 1st birthday but that was it. I live too far I guess. But then even on my birthday she hadn't said anything other than a happy birthday and write a little speech on Facebook. Next year I think I am gonna stay off of facebook on my birthday so that I will know who my real family is. Yes, family doesn't have to be blood but they do have to care. 

Then I see pictures of my so-called best friend on facebook with this other girl who I remember that they were in a huge fight and she never wanted to talk to her again. Now they are in pictures holding up balloons for the other girls birthday. Yet I am supposed to be her best friend. Again I am put on the back burner and am not a second thought.

Now she is planning her wedding on September 4th 2020 I wouldn't have a problem with this I really wouldn.t except that it's two days before my birthday... Again I am not even a thought. Iw ould never make my wedding close to my best friends birthday I really wouldn't just out of respect you know. But maybe that's it maybe people think they can just disrespect me as they did at the last job I had. 

I guess I am just a back burner person and there is nothing else I can be, to my girl friends anyways. The guy friends I have they would stand by me no matter what. They say happy birthday to my face and text me. they come out and celebrate my birthday with me, they drink with me and eat pizza with me and hang out. they make my life worth living. I would rather not have girls in my life because it just seems like they don't care about anyone but themselves. When I hang out with the guys I make sure that they are all happy and ok and safe. I feel like the mom of the group haha but in a good way. I feel like one of the guys. I know I am a girlfriend as well but they don't see me as just a girlfriend, they see me as, and I quote, "one of the guys but without the dick." hahaha That made me laugh but feel proud that someone actually cares. 

I was telling Dante that I feel like no one but him would care if I just died, and he said well what about the guys, I smiled. But what I meant was the other people in my life. I would be a thought of sadness maybe even guilt but then something in their lives would pull them out of it and they would be fine. They may show up to my funeral but they would leave not even giving my tombstone a second glance. if they ever drove by the cemetery I was buried they wouldn't even look they wouldn't feel anything. I would be forgotten. Dante says that I wouldn't be forgotten by the guys, that I am now family and they would care and they would miss me. It feels good to know that one day I will be missed.

Sorry, that was so dreary and sad but that is what is going on inside my head at the moment, and I feel like I need to share this with you guys. No, I am not looking for sympathy I just needed to get it out into the world.