A real story... My story.

Am I floating finally?

So if anyone is still following along I'm sorry I haven't written in a while but hey life needs to happen before I can write it all down right?

SO things are happening, slowly but they are happening and I think it's a good thing. Me and Dante are still going strong and we are happy, at least I am he says he is and i believe it but sometimes he says things like, "see this is why I don't think we are gonna last." and that rips my heart out and has demons trampling on it as i try to struggle and breath. When he says things like that my throat closes my heart stops beating normally and i cant help but cry then he asks me whats wrong and i cant speak, he tells me not to cry but I don't know if that is actually possible when I think about life without him. You may say that I am over exaggerating but I really am not, he is my happiness and so many people have left in my life I don't think I could bare to lose him to. He is really my last hope. 

Anyways I just passed my birthday and well I am finally 20 years old yay. You'd think things would have changed just a little but really nothing has changed that much. I am still the same person and I am still trying to get my life together but its to exactly working the way I planned. I have had a couple pregnancy scares but most just stay scares and I end up not being pregnant. I'm in one right now, I have already taken two tests that read negative but I am going to take the next one tomorrow morning because that one is for early pregnancy so it may catch it. 

SO I have been doing online biology and other courses so I can go into biochemistry next year hopefully and i have been trying to find a job. I have an interview tomorrow at justice so we will see how that goes. I had an interview at naturalizer and that went down hill so fast and the interviewer was a complete bitch. I'm glad she wont hire me I wouldn't want to work there anyways. I do need a job though for school and for the trip across Canada that me and Dante are planning on doing next summer in his prelude. So we need to finish his prelude and we need to save up for the trip. If I get a job and he gets the better one because 3 dealerships are fighting over him at the moment haha so if he gets one and I get one then we will be set I believe. He has his doubts that we wont be able to do it but I think we will. We are strong enough together we can do almost anything. He always doubts things and then I do them and he is marveled or we do them together and I'm proud of us at the end. Sure sometimes we get into arguments and stuff but that's normal for couples. We always make up right after anyways.

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So finally after months of searching for a job I finally have one. At Justice. Some of you may know it as it is an American store but we do have it here in Canada surprisingly. I've been there for about 2 months now so I am not fully in the clear just yet, but everything seems to be going well in the job department. My job en-tales me to just empty boxes and find space for them in the back room of the store. I'd rather do that then deal with people all day, I had to for black Friday and I couldn't take it, it gave me such a headache. I guess my anxiety is worse than I thought even worse than it was in high school. At this job I can actually buy clothing for myself, even though the store is for little kids the clothing fits me there and now that I have money I can finally buy myself things so people in my family can stop commenting on how ratty my clothes look. So far I have only bought leggings and a couple shirts, other than that I am to scared to.

Enough about my job though, there are other things happening in my life other than just getting money. I haven't started school yet because I had just got my new laptop back from my brother and its December, so that means I will be busy with Christmas rather than school and I really don't need anymore distractions during my schooling. I will probably start in January and continue on from there. Dante has also got a different job at Canadian tire for now but recently he got a call from someone who works at Honda - one of his friends - and they are looking for mechanics asap which would be great for him, he could then actually start his apprenticeship with a real dealership. He called me last night and talked all about how he wanted to open his own shop one day, I laughed at the thought but I know he really wants to so of course I'll support him and help him in any way that I can. We put the cars on hold for now until we get more money. It won't be easy though, he has a lot of debt to pay and I'm starting to accumulate some too, all the money coming from my job is making me shop crazy. It's also Christmas which doesn't help.

Back to the car situation, we still have both preludes and he was actually thinking about buying another one and then another car a 67 Chevy impala, which I would have loved but right now we don't have the money for that kind of project. We are saving up money together so we can buy a cheap truck that would be cheap on insurance for him since I don't have my G2 yet and his moms insurance company dropped him because he is a high risk driver. That makes me laugh whenever I say that or hear it, most of the things that he has on his record are accidents and somethings that cops should have just pissed off for. Like one was when he had broken his collar bone, he couldn't wear the seat belt properly and they gave him a ticket for it even though he had a doctors note for his injury. Another one is when he got into a really bad accident and some old guy told the cop he was driving dangerously so he got a ticket for reckless driving. He has a lot of debt but I am gonna help him as much as humanly possible if he lefts me...

My relationship with my parents has gotten better they actually care and buy me stuff and talk to me normally and all that stuff, my brother has started talking to me again too. I am hoping things continue to get better.

Other than that my life is ok, I am not sinking anymore I am kinda ok now. I don't know how else to explain it. i have those moments when \I don't want to get out of bed so I have to think about Dante for a while and then I can actually get on with my day, but most of my days are ok. I feel ok when I am away from Dante, but I feel amazing when I am with him. I am currently sitting in a Tim Hortons near his house waiting for him to get home and i think my computer is about to die which sucks. I just can't wait to hold him again.