Thoughts And Short Stories/Scenarios

Entry 1

Its nights like these where I'm laying down in pitch black darkness and thinking of you. The one who managed to make me feel again ,but also the one who managed to break me and make me emotionless again. I wonder if you meant when you said that you loved me. Was that actually true? Were you saying it to get to me? Where did you think keeping me as your dirty little secret was going to get you? What did I do to make you leave me and block me out? Who got hurt more, me or you? Why did this happen to us? Why did I have to meet you? Why did you keep me around? Why did you lead me on? Why did I fall in love you? Why did you leave after I told you how I felt? Why did you come back and give me hope? Why did you tell me that you love me? Why can't I tell whether you're lying or not when you say that to me? Why do I want it to be true? I don't have any answers to most of these questions. I can answer a couple right now. I can tell you that I fell in love with you because you were you. You didn't act the way you acted around your friends with me. You were there for me when I needed someone. You stayed up with me when my insomnia was bad. You let me tell you my nightmares even if they were really bad and horrible. You cheered me up when I was having my bad days. You would hold me when I was upset. You cheered me on when I was about to give up. Most importantly, You accepted me for me and told me you would love me no matter what. All those things are just your personality. Your cinnamon brown eyes pulled me in and calmed me down but then at the same time made my heart beat over 100 miles per hour. Your hair was soft and I just loved running my fingers through your hair and I know you did too. Your voice sent shivers down my spine and would whisper such sweet nothings in my ear that would calm me down when I was having an anxiety or panic attack. I lived how you would run your fingers through my hair because it was one of the only ways I would let you touch me. Your scent drove me nuts. The smell of mint, honey, and sometimes weed would make me go crazy because I knew immediately that it was you. Anything that reminded me of you would make me smile like a fool ,but now I feel like crying everytime I do. I feel like breaking down every time I see you because I know you're happy while I'm here crying and not over you. I hate how you were the first person I loved and how you are the reason I'm afraid to love anyone. You helped ruin me and I don't mind because you taught me a lesson.