Thoughts And Short Stories/Scenarios

Entry 3

    I hate feeling this way. I hate that I'm crying here in the middle of the night because of people who are supposed to love me. I hate that they are the biggest reason I hate myself.
    I hate the way I look because of them. They always tried to make me join different sports so I can lose weight. They always told me I couldn't wear certain things because of my body. They would pinch my cheeks and tell me how cute my fat face was. That didn't make me feel cute at all. I hate looking in the mirror because of them. I can't look at myself without wanting to gag. I hate my appearance because its not what they want me to look like.
     I hate my personality because of them. They told me that caring too much wouldn't help me at all at life. They told me staying inside and hiding all the time wasn't good. They told me I need to get over being shy because it isn't going to help me make friends. They told me one day I would get hurt for disagreeing with what they believed. They told me that I shouldn't be so happy about everything because it doesn't help anything. They told me that my sarcasm would get me beaten up. They told me my kindness would get me hurt. They told me I would be taken advantage of because of how caring I was. I hate my personality because its not like theirs.
    I hate little things about myself because of them. I hate smiling because they a always made fun of my smile when I showed my teeth ,but then they would get angry because they didn't like my closed mouth smile. I hate my laugh because the small noises I made sometimes make annoyed them ,but then was called a laughing mime when I silently laughed. I hate my freckles because they all turn red when I blush and the kids always try to "connect the dots" on my arms. I hate the way my lips are shaped because one side is a bit longer than the other but if they hadn't of pointed it out I wouldn't mind. I hate my eyes because they aren't as light as everyone else's. I hate my feel because they are bigger than the other girls'. I hate my hands because they are bigger than the other girls'. I hate my cheeks because they remind me of my size. I hate all these little things about myself because of them.
    I hate who I am because of them. O hate that I'm not normal like them because o feel so out of place. I hate that I'm somewhat not straight because I know I'm the only one like this. I hate that I'm confused about my gender because I know I'm the o ly one like this. I hate that I'm depressed and have anxiety because I know none of them are like that. I hate that I care for everyone and anyone more than myself because they are not like that. I hate that I can hardly feel any emotions anymore because of them. I hate who I am because of them.

I hate myself and everything about me.