Among the Stars [Frerard]

Chapter 15: It's Easier This Way

Frank stumbled around his living room. This was the third day in a row he had gotten drunk to the point of not being aware of his surroundings.

He was currently looking for his phone which was making an obnoxiously loud ringing noise. He found it on the floor under the couch, he had no clue how it had gotten there and quite frankly he didn't care.

He looked at his phone, squinting a bit, because yes- that is how drunk he was. Gerard was calling him. If Frank wasn't drunk off his arse right now, he might have felt a pang of anxiety but alas he was very drunk and did not give a single crap.

He swiped the green symbol to accept the call, twice, because the first time he had swiped the wrong part of the screen. Which was not a measure of how drunk he was at all because smartphones are generally pretty shit.

"Whats up," Frank said managing to sound like someone who was just a bit tired, not very drunk.

"Oh, I was just wondering if you wanted to come over my place? I haven't seen you in the last three days and I really miss you," Gerard asked him.

Frank hadn't even realised it had been three days since he was Gerard. He had missed one day of school due to being, as he liked to describe it, 'too depressed to move'. Today was Sunday and he knew that he would be in school tomorrow with a full blow hangover but he really didn't care anymore.

"Oh god yeah, I miss you too," Frank said whilst taking his pack of cigarettes and walking outside, "Buuut, I'm busy today sorry, I'll see you tomorrow though."

"Oh," was all Gerard replied, sounding completely disappointed by the fact that he had to wait at least another couple hours before seeing his boyfriend again.

And maybe if Frank wouldn't have already put down the phone and lit a cigarette he would have been concerned with Gerard's answer. He would have heard the hurt in his voice. But he didn't and he most likely wouldn't even remember the short lived conversation they had had.

Frank didn't really care about anything anymore. Or at least in this state of mind he thought he didn't. And in this state of mind he decided he was going to visit a spot he hadn't been to in way too long. He walked down the street, not caring about the fact that his door was still unlocked and that he was dressed like someone who had just rolled out of bed, when really he had rolled out of bed a couple hours ago to get drunk.

Which he had, so he didn't care and for once he acted without the nagging thoughts of his social anxiety weighing him down and controlling his every move.

By the time he reached his secluded spot in the forest which he now shared with Gerard he was a bit more sober.
He was walking straighter and his thoughts were less clouded. He instantly regretted not bringing more alcohol with him. He didn't want to think straight. He didn't want to feel at all.

When he reached the familiar clearing, however someone was already sitting on the stump. It was none other than Gerard, the person Frank wanted to see the most and the least at the same time. Gerard looked up at Frank who stumbled towards him, still moderately drunk.

He quirked an eyebrow at him, "I thought you were busy?" Frank laughed, "I thought you were at home?"
Gerard got up and walked towards Frank, who involuntarily stumbled to the side a bit.

"I missed you so I came to the place which reminded me most of you," Gerard had a sincere look in his eye, as if he was replaying the memory of how they met in his head. "Anyway that's not the point, answer my question."

"What question?" Frank questioned, slightly slurring his eyes. Gerard sighed, "On the phone you said you were busy, but here you are, drunk and not busy."

"That's not a question," Frank giggled. Gerard sighed, again, and maybe if Frank weren't drunk he would have noticed.

"Okay then, why are you drunk?"

"Because I felt like it, no big deal," Frank retorted, his words blurring together as he said them.

Gerard nodded, "As long as you don't make it a habit. Anyway we should get you home."

Gerard took Franks hand and walked him back to his house. Frank instantly crashed into his bed and fell asleep. Gerard planted a gentle kiss on his forehead and tucked him in. He got bored after a while so he started looking around Franks room.

He wasn't snooping or anything, he was simply looking at the things laid out in the open. Band posters were scattered along the walls and there were clothes in heaps all over the floor, similar to what any other teenagers bedroom would look like. Although something caught his eye. Lying on his desk was a small blade. Blood stains evident on the sharp side of the heartless metal object. Gerard gently took it into his hands, as if it held the power to destroying the whole world. Which in a way, it did. It was destroying Frank.

He was finding it hard to wrap his head around the fact that this piece of metal had split his perfect boyfriends skin open.

That this had destroyed him. But Gerard was wrong thinking in this way, it hadn't destroyed Frank, it had helped calm him down, it had helped him quiet the screaming of his thoughts. Gerard would never understand that or at least Frank wished that he would never have to understand the horrible feelings that compel you to drag a blade across your skin at 2am because it's the only thing that makes sense.

Because Gerard didn't deserve that and maybe neither did Frank but he would never see it that way himself.

And Gerard sat there for a while contemplating what to do with this stupid piece of metal that seemed to dictate his boyfriends life. If he would toss it away, Frank would simply find another. But if he didn't, surely that would make him a bad boyfriend?

Similar to leaving an alcoholic with a cupboard full of alcohol at their disposal? But then again, the alcoholic could go out and get the alcohol, although it would require more effort, they could still get it.

And then it dawned on him. Of course they could just go out and get another bottle or blade or whatever you're craving but maybe just maybe taking it from the immediate surroundings of the addict would make them reconsider, even if just for a second. So Gerard ended up tossing it into the trash can in Franks room wrapped up in a tissue so he wouldn't even realise it was there.

Frank was still laying asleep on the bed, tangled up in the sheets that Gerard had gently tucked him under earlier. The sight made his heart beat faster and butterflies formed in his stomach. He cared so deeply for this boy and he never wanted to lose him.