Among the Stars [Frerard]

Chapter 27: Clutter

"Where the fuck have you been?" Gerard snapped slightly as he engulfed his boyfriend in a crushing hug. "I was so worried and I hadn't heard from you in days- oh my god, please don't scare me like that again."

"I won't," Frank mumbled in reply, slipping out of Gerards arms.

"So where have you been?" 

"I was uh, with a friend."

"And what were you doing?" Gerard asked giving Frank a very suspicious look. He knew something was up, it wasn't that hard to guess. 

"Doing- just things and stuff, it doesn't really matter. I'm sorry, can we just forget about it?" Frank looked down at his feet and absentmindedly scratched the back of his head, ruffling his hair slightly.

Gerard sighed, "yeah okay, come on let's go."

They walked next to each other, hands brushing against one another as they walked into the school building. And Frank couldn't shake the feeling that today wouldn't be a particularly good day, at all. HIs chest felt like was constricting, as if he were gasping for air. But that wasn't all, no, he felt the weight of something on his shoulders. He fucked up by ignoring his caring boyfriend but really, Gerard was over-reacting. Frank understood why, of course, he was still a 'potential suicide risk' in everyone elses eyes. He hated it, but it was his own fault. He could do nothing to change it now.

He was damned to over protective parents and friends.

-

Gerard was left to wonder, as a worried boyfriend, what the hell had happened during those two days. It could have been anything really, completely innocent. But when it came to Frank he knew it wouldn't be good. Maybe he had spent the weekend in his room, possibly taking what should be foreign objects to his skin. Gerard shuddered at the mere thought of his beautiful boyfriend doing that to himself. But he knew it was a high possibility. Or maybe Frank had been getting drunk again, pretending he was fine when really he was the opposite. Gerard reckoned Franks parents would have noticed though so he thought that might be less likely.

It was pointless for Gerard to worry about this any longer, as much as he knew Frank did not want to talk about it, it had to be done. It was important. And Gerard was sick of worrying, so really this would do both of them good.

"So, I know you don't want to talk about it but I can tell somethings off Frank. You're kind of drifting and barely paying attention to anything. What happened during those two days?" Gerard sat down next to Frank on the bed, expectantly looking down at the anxious boy.

"Uhm, I went to Bob-"

Gerard interrupted and exclaimed, "Bob Bryar?"

"Uh, yeah," Frank spoke sounding completely unsure of a thing he knew as a fact. Unless he had managed to trip out on drugs so much he imagined all the time he spent at Bobs place.

"The drunken pothead, Bob Bryar?" Gerard asked again.

"What other Bob Bryars do you know?" Frank retorted.

"I don't know Frank, it's pretty common name. But why would you spend the whole weekend with him?"

If there was a way to put the utmost disrespect and hate into a word simply with the tone of your voice, that, that was it. And quite frankly Frank thought it to be rude. Yeah, sure Frank wasn't nice, but Gerard didn't know the first thing about him. He had no idea about his problems or struggles. Of course those didn't excuse him from his behaviour but it sure as hell didn't deserve him that tone of voice.

"Because he's an alright gu-"

Gerard laughed in Franks face, "yeah, no. That guy's an arsehole."

"You don't even know him," Franks tone had a hint of a bite to it. He wasn't used to Gerard acting this way. Usually he was so sweet and understanding. Maybe this was a bad day for him. 

"I don't need to know him to hear the kind of shit he says. He's just homophobic and rude. Down-right rude. What the hell did you two even do all that time?" 

Frank didn't reply, Gerard would be smart enough to figure it out for himself. Anyway, it wasn't like he wanted to say it out loud. He didn't want to admit to what a fuck up he had been.

"Frank- you took drugs with him, didn't you?" 

Frank slowly nodded, "but-"

"No, no more excuses for drinking and taking drugs and generally messing up your life. You know this isn't okay. I know you know it too. So why do you do this? You're not only affecting yourself but also me and your family, and your friends. Don't you stop to consider that? Frank, what are you even going to do with your life? You can't spend the rest of your life drinking and taking drugs. You can't continue to fuck up your life like this. Just snap out of it! I always have to help you out, a-and I'm trying but how can I when you don't even come to me for help?" Gerard got up from the bed and started pacing around, only causing Frank to get increasingly anxious.

"Okay, I get it. I'm fucking up my life. But you have no idea what its like-"

"No, don't play that whole 'you don't know what its like' bullshit on me. You-"

"Can you stop fucking interrupting me!" And that was possibly the loudest and most confident Frank Iero had ever sounded in his 17 years of being alive. And fuck it kind of felt good. But he kind of regretted where this was going. He didn't want to fight. He never wanted that to happen. 

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. But I really want to hear this. What do you think you're going to achieve with this. What will you make out of your life?" Gerard sounded sweet and sincere. 

Gerard went over to where Frank was now standing and pecked him on the lips and whispered another hushed 'I'm sorry'. 

"I don't think I'm going to have a life past the age of twenty. God, I can't even imagine living to eighteen and that's only a few months away now. Honestly Gerard, I don't see a future for myself. I won't live that long," Frank admitted.

"Don't say that," Gerard exasperated, "you're going to live a long full happy life, you're gonna get married, maybe have kids, who knows. But you are not going to die. Frank Iero, I will not fucking let you die."

"It's not really your choice though is it?" Frank sighed.

"Well it's not yours either! You can't just give up and kill yourself! You promised me you'd get better. You promised your parents. You can't just leave us because you feel like it. It doesn't fucking work like that," Gerard was starting to sound angry again. It scared Frank but then that fear was masked by the anger and hurt his boyfriends words were causing.

Frank knew Gerard was saying all the because he was upset and he didn't understand- he couldn'T. Frank knew that but Frank couldn't help but to take his words in, really take them in. This was just making Frank realise how his world had been crumbling away from the start.

He was never going to live a full life. He couldn't envision himself with a job and his own home. He just saw the black emptiness of no longer existing that his atheist self had chosen to accept as the reality of death a long time ago.

A/N: Sorry the updates are so slow! And oh god this is awfully written but I'm so tired I'm going to pass out. I hope this isn't too cringeworthy. Hope you have a good day/night.