The Tutor

(12) Wishful Thinking

Wishful Thinking . . .

I rolled over in my bed, planting my face firmly into my pillow. I groaned loudly, even though it was muffled by my pillow and no sound came out. My phone vibrating caught my attention and caused me to lift my head up.

Straining my neck, I was too lazy to move any further. Squinting my eyes at the bright screen of my phone amidst the darkness, I looked at the name at the top of the text. Gabrielle's name shone, along with a few other people, but hers was the most recent. Groaning for a second time, I shifted out of my position and reached out for my phone.

I layed flat on my back and held the phone above my face. I let my eyes adjust to the screen, noticing the time at the top read 1:27 A.M. Sighing, I unlocked my phone and opened her message to read it fully.

I miss you.

I rolled my eyes and breathed heavily through my nose, annoyance slowly working it's way into my body. My fingers hovered above the keyboard, ready to tap a reply with words meant to "woo" her; but I didn't really feel like doing that right now. Not to her, at least.

Resting my phone back in it's place beside my pillow, I chose against replying to her. If I replied, that would open a door for conversation and then I would somehow end up at her house, plotting a way to get into her room. I wasn't feeling that right now. I didn't want that.

I knew what I wanted, but what I wanted, I felt I couldn't have; and I think that's what was bothering me the most about it. The fact that I couldn't have it—the fact that I couldn't have her—was eating at the back of my mind like a thought I couldn't get rid of. And I didn't like it.

I ran my hands frustratedly down my face and then stared up at the completely dark ceiling. I needed to sleep, and I needed to get her out of my head. I needed to stop wanting her, but that seemed so hard to do even though it shouldn't be.

And plus, I have a girlfriend already.

That last thought slapped me in the face, and I rolled over in my bed groaning again. I needed to get her out of my head because I'm already with Gabrielle.

When I got to school yesterday, everyone and their distant cousin seemed to know that Gabrielle and I were a thing now. Everyone. People I barely talked to came up to me, asking if it were true, saying they didn't know we were talking, and other pointless shit like that. I was wanting to deny everything they were saying and stick to the fact that I didn't date; but it was too late. I was already too far into it, even though 24 hours hadn't even passed yet.

I couldn't take just laying there anymore; I needed to move. Being in the darkness, unable to sleep, would ultimately be bad for my health. Throwing the thick blanket from my body, I shifted into a sitting position onto the edge of my bed. I gripped the edge of my bed and remained quiet, listening for any sound or movement coming from within the house. The last thing I needed was to run into somebody right now.

I got up from the bed, hearing no sign of life, and blindly made my way over to the door, only stepping on a t-shirt in the process. I felt around for the doorknob, and once I had a grip on it, I twisted and opened the door as slowly as I could to prevent the door from squeaking. Once it was open wide enough for my body to fit through, I walked into the hall.

The house was still and quiet, the only sound being the steady hum of the air conditioning blowing throughout the house. I walked down the hall and in the direction of the stairs. I glanced once at my mom's room door, rolling my eyes in annoyance and disgust; unable to tell which one I felt more at this point.

I thudded down the stairs, not caring to be quiet any longer, and made my way towards the living room. Making it to the bottom of the stairs, I rounded the corner to walk into the living room but stopped short.