Waiting To Exhale

Thirty-five

Jen isn't finding any of these clothes interesting but I think they're cute. "These clothes look kind of cute. I don't see how you don't like anything Jen."

She scoffs. "Excuse me if my taste is a little more classy. And don't even bother trying to buy anything. You know Mason is not going to let you walk around in any of this crap."

"Jeez Jen. She can buy whatever she wants. Your brother doesnt need to control everything she does. But whatever you want Olivia." Kenyan says coming to my rescue.

I pick up the white blouse with yellow flowers I was looking at earlier. I'm going to take Kenyan's advice and buy whatever I want. I'll just keep them at my house. I shouldn't have to sneak around and hide things like clothes that I would like to wear in public. I think I'm giving him too much space to control me. When our relationship started I thought he was the one. He was so sweet to me. He told me everything I wanted to hear but now everything's different. He's so violent with me now. He wants to control me. He wants me to follow him around like a lost puppy but he want even show me off to his family or friends.

He may have seemed me out because he thinks I'm dumb and desperate. I was desperate. But I'm not dumb. I never was. I do happen to have a 4.0 grade point average. I didn't have clothes or friends or a boyfriend to keep me occupied so school was my only escape. I excel at school and I can leave with an academic scholarship. I don't care to what college. I'll gladly accept anything.

I don't leave with much but I leave with just about everything I wanted, all thanks to Mason giving me his card. After shopping we go to lunch at this little restaurant Kenyan use to go to all the time as a kid. A couple people still recognize her. They greet her warmly. I smile. It's like Kenyan has a while 'nother life outside of Miami. She's really a small town girl.

Lunch is amazing. I'm tempted to order another round and take it home. They don't allow that in this restaurant. Kenyan says we can come back Sunday before we leave. I'm looking forward to it, not leaving of course. It would be nice to spend spring break or even summer here. It's amazing. Now that we're all sobered up we're planning on taking a hike through some trail. That sounds nice. I'm glad I packed some active gear.

We all split the cost of our lunch before heading out. Its hard to believe I'm walking around with this credit card. I never thought I would even come close to seeing one in real life. It makes me feel more horrible than I already do about what I did. I cheated on him. My worst fear was him cheating on me and leaving me for another girl. I'm the one doing the damage. I'm toxic.

We all plop down on the couch as soon as we get in. Its hot outside and I'm stuffed. We all are. We ordered so much food it's a shame.

"Girl I am stuffed. Y'all can go on that hike without me. I'm too lazy." We laugh at how lazy Frankie sounds. She can be so dramatic for no reason. She takes her long hair and pull it up in a ponytail, making her nose look longer than it already is. I just love her hair. Those blonde highlights add a wonderful touch. She looks amazing all the time in all her tall glory. She towers over me easily. It must be fun being hispanic; everybody asking you how to say something in Spanish. Everyone just fascinated by you. I'm glad to have her as my friend. I'm glad to have all of them. Before then I was nothing. I was no one.

Kenyan picks up one of the small pillows on the couch and chuck it at her. Frankie laughs it off but throws it back at her. "You the laziest person I have ever met. You big mush head. You should stop smoking all that pot with your brothers."

"Oh come on Kenyan. No ser una rata. Don't be a rat." Frankie rolls her eyes playfully.

"I'm so glad I have you guys," I admit, putting a momentary end on their playfulness. They state at me with warm eyes and I just smile. I'm so overwhelmed with joy. "I never had any friends before y'all. No one wanted to hang with the 'poor girl'." Its true. I don't know why people care so much about how much money a person has and how extravagant they're living. Everyone's situation is different.

"Aww. You gone make me cry. Why you got to get so mushy on us?" Jen says as she wipes away her imaginary tears.

I shrug. .I just needed to put that out there and let you guys know. I love you guys."

"We love you too." The girls say in unison. We come together in a group hug. We stay like that until Jen pulls away and turns completely serious. She twirls her hair around her index finger, an act she only does when she's nervous about something. Kenyan notice her behaviour and commands her to spill whatever is bothering her.

Jen takes a deep breath, her dark, glowing skin now looking pale. "I have to tell you something. Something I've never told anyone before. I'm telling you know because I know I can trust you and because I need to get this off my chest..." she pause, for what I don't know. Maybe to see what we have to say about this. We remain silent, eyes glued on her worried expression. She continues, "when I was fourteen...I was raped by my mom's boyfriend...he use to come into my room every night. I was too ashamed to tell anybody. Plus I didn't want to destroy my mom's relastionship....they're getting married now and my mom wants me to be the maid of honor but I don't think I can do it and I don't want to let her down or upset her. I love my mom with everything in me."

I feel my heart constrict in my chest. Memories of Alfonso starts coming back. At least I didn't have to look Alfonso in the eye after that. Jen has it so much worse. Her mom is in love with this awful man. She has no idea what he's been doing to her daughter.

I wrap my arms around Jen, tears falling down my cheeks. Frankie grabs her hand. "Jen you have to tell her. You can't let her marry this man. You have nothing to be ashamed about. This man took your innocence. He can't just get away with that."

"I just can't tell her."

"Like hell you can't! He's a rapist. A creep. He should be the one feeling ashamed. Not you."

"You're right."

"Aren't I always?" She says in a duh tone.