Waiting To Exhale

Fourty-one

   I don't know when I fell asleep but when I wake up I'm no longer on the floor. Instead on the bed. The thought of Him touching my body makes me want to throw up. Its disgusting.

   I can't open my eye. Feels like someone glued it shut. My jaw hurts real bad too.

   I always wanted to be like those other girls at school and now I am. And it came at a really big cost; my soul. I close my other eye and force myself not to think about anything. Not long after I fall back to sleep. This goes on a couple more times until sleep refuse to welcome me back into its arms. What a monster. It felt so good to just sleep my problems away. To sleep...Him away. The room is pitch black and I can only hope He isn't here.

   "God help me." I flinch at the pain in my jaw from speaking. I haven't prayed in a while but I think that one was in order. Who else do I have to call on? No one. I can't talk to anyone about this. If He finds out he'll kill me and them. I have to pee. I force myself up and by some miracle make it to the bathroom. I stand in front of the mirror and turn the lights on, horrified by what I see. My left eye is purple and swollen shut. My jaw is swollen as well, like I stuffed a golf ball in my cheek. It hurts to touch. Even lightly.

   "Next time you won't be so stupid or sound so ungrateful," Mason says smuggly, scaring me. I think about asking Him how he can stand to see me like this but decide against it. I can't take another beating. I just can't. He mumbles something about everything healing in no time before walking off.

   "My brueses may heal but my scars are permanent." I find it in me to say. I cry as the pain in my jaw intensifies. This is my problem now. I don't know when to shut up. He has done everything in his power to build me up just so he can tear me back down again if I got out of hand. At one point I really did think he loved me. He was really sweet at first, buying me all these nice things, protecting me. Now I see it was all just a set up. The man doesn't do anything without a motive. Thugs don't love. At least not this one.

   Gabriel should have done right by me. He should have showed me what love is. I have not a clue other than what Mason has shown me. He claims to love me. I may not know much about love but I know for a fact it doesn't hurt like this. It doesn't belittle me like this. I'm so screwed. I want to talk to Gabriel, as strange as that must sound. I want to know why. I need to understand this. I'm never going to be able to leave Mason so I need to understand so I can figure out a way to live with this.

   I'm going to have to wait a while before I can see anybody. If they see me with my face like this they'll start asking too many questions. Anthony may want to get involved. He looks at me like a little sister. I wouldn't want him to end up hurt over something as pointless as me. My life is so screwed up. I don't want to go through this. I just want it to be over.

   **************************

   It's been a week and my bruises are finally healed enough to cover with makeup. Swealing went down too. I can go back to school now and get away from Mason. He hasn't been talking to me. He stays out late and leave early. During the time he's actually home he just gives me these weird looks and never say anything. I think he's just observing me for now. Better than another beating.

   After a well-needed bath I slip on a pair of red jeans, my white and red Jordans, and a blouse to match. I patch on a little foundation and curl my hair so it falls over my face. I really don't want to go to school but I can't afford to miss anymore days. Mason calls up one of his friends to take me to school. I guess he doesn't trust I won't get lost on the way. Mason walks me downstairs and to the car. I avoid any time of contact with him as I get in and shut the door behind me. He jogs around to the driver's side and makes quick conversation. Before turning to leave he spares a glare in my direction. I quickly look down.

   When I get to school I go go straight to my locker. It seems like everyone is staring at me. I worry they're going to see my bruises. Maybe I'm just imagining it. I've been paranoid lately.

   "Nice to finally see you. It's still Olivia, right?" Frankie says. I turn to her and give my best smile. She smiled back. Which is a good thing. It means I haven't lost her.

   "Sorry. I've been sick all last week. I couldn't even get out of bed."

   "Ahh that sucks. Well glad you feeling better. I was worried when you didn't show up and then you didn't answer anyone's text. That boy you hang out with kept asking if we've seen you. He said something about you promising him to go to a cookout or something," Frankie says. She shrugs.

   I smack my hand lightly against my head. "Oh my gosh. I forgot." It's not like I would have been able to go anyway. I was in recovery. Mason sure did do a number on me. If Shauna hadn't...

   "Can I borrow your phone?" I ask.

   "Where's yours?"

    "Lost it."

   Frankie hands me her phone and I call Anthony. His number is one of the few I remember by heart. I get sent to voicemail the first two times but third times a charm. He picks up on the second ring. "Hello?"

   "Olivia? Hi. Why are you calling me from Frankie's phone? Where have you been? I went to your house and your dad said he hadn't seen you either. Why-"

   "Anthony I was sick all last week. I could barely get out of bed. I was staying with Mason. He was helping me get better." That last part makes me want to throw up. That man isn't helping me so anything but feel down and hurt.

   I hear Anthony sigh. "I'm glad you're okay. Can we talk after school?"

   "Um...I'm going to be making up school work all day. Sorry."

   "When can I see you then?"

   "I don't know. I have to go. I'm in school. I'll call you later." I hang up before he can get another word out. I can't stand lying to him. I had to fight with everything in me to keep from telling him what happened. Mason sure wouldn't like that.

   I give Frankie her phone back and rush off to class. I have to talk to all my teachers today about making up missing assignments. I need to get them in as soon as possible. I'm drawing a blank for everything.