How to Sleep Together ✓

06| Moving On

W I L D E 

The first step to moving on, was to stop hanging on to the past. In my room, it felt like I'd time travelled back to the point when things had started shifting. From friendship, to something more. I saw her in everything.

The biggest part of my life was a girl with dark hair. I could see her in everything I did. My thoughts were clouded by her. All those mistakes I've made, always with her and now, they've led us down this path. I wanted to take it all back. I wanted our first kiss to have meaning.

I could still remember her, asking me to kiss her, to show her. I remember the lust that swept over my body when her lips touch mine. I remember being so selfish, wanting to kiss the girl of my dreams when I was dating someone else. 

I didn't know what love was back then.

And if I'm being honest, my relationship with Daisy wasn't love at the start. It was pure sinful lust. I lusted after her. She was the only girl I was close to enough to see long uncovered bits of skin. If I loved Daisy then, I would have ended things with Cecile and dated Daisy.

But no, I was a coward. I let my relationship with Cecile play out. I never tried to date Daisy. No I took advantage of her instead.

Suffice to say, I didn't deserve Daisy.

She deserved someone better.

I fell back on the bed. Trying to stop thinking of her. I wanted to visit her in the hospital, to talk to her, to go back to how things were.

But I couldn't.

I couldn't keep doing this. I needed to move on. I needed to stop sinfully going back to Daisy every time. I needed to stop. I pulled out my phone, going to a very hidden part there where I kept the nudes Daisy sent me. 

I was the only one Daisy sent those type of pictures too. I used to think it meant something. That she was trying to tell me something. I was probably wrong.

I went through each of those pictures, deleting each one, by one. There were easier ways but it felt better doing it like this.

picture of Daisy topless.

Delete.

picture of Daisy with a banana.

Delete.

Picture of Daisy with nothing but lingerie on.

Delete.

One by one, I cleared my phone of all her pictures till the last one. I stared at it for a long time. It wasn't a nude, it was just a picture of Daisy in her last year's Winter Ball dress. It wasn't provocative or anything remotely close to a nude. I stared at her in the pastel pink dress. I knew I had to delete all parts of Daisy from my life but I couldn't delete this one, not just yet.

So I closed my phone. I pushed myself off the bed, getting a pair of running shorts and a football jersey. Trying to get the way she looked at Kaden outside of my mind.