The Broken Pieces Left Behind

Chapter 18

"We need to talk."

"That's never a good way to start a conversation."

It wasn't, but I was taking Erin's advice and telling Jack everything. She might not have thought that it was that bad of a thing, but it was. It might not have been a big deal to anyone else, but the events of that night further changed my life. It taught me what giving up control meant and what not having a plan could lead to.

"I know," I breathed out as he walked me to the kitchen counter.

I took a seat on the stool but said nothing, nerves crackling just under my skin. Jack stood across from me, studying my face. I shouldn't have been here. I didn't want to be here. I could've been halfway to Alaska by now, but here I sat across from a boy that barreled into my life and seemed to be here to stay, for a while at least.

He turned away briefly before placing a glass of water in front of me. "What is all this about Becca?"

I cleared my throat. The best way to do this was to just start. "After my dad died and my mom basically became a zombie, I was forced to care for myself. It wasn't always easy. Actually it was hard. I was so used to not having much to worry about and then to find myself responsible for making sure Sara ate and showered."

He stood quietly listening.

"Well about four months after that I thought I was going to go crazy when I met a guy. I know it might not seem like a big deal but to me, it was. He was older, in college and I was just this lonely girl. He told me that I caught his eye and that made me feel nice, you know. Here was this handsome older guy telling me that out of everyone else in the room I was the one that he noticed."

I smiled a little at the memory at how it felt. I had gone unnoticed for so long that when someone had finally given me the attention that I had lost, I fell for it. Fell for him.

"His name was Darren and he was what in my fourteen year old mind was the perfect guy. He took care of me in a way that I craved. A way that I lost when my dad had died. So I did everything I could to please him. And that mostly meant acting like a nineteen year old would. He would take me to parties with his friends. I didn't want to make it seem like I was the odd one out or embarrass him so I drank acted in a way that makes me feel dirty now when I think about it. I got drunk. I partied a lot then. Sometimes I would wake up in strange places not remembering things. I had completely lost myself in trying to please him that I didn't know who I was anymore."

I had stayed because I knew that it was an escape. If I returned home I would have to deal with the loss of my father and the fact that my mother wasn't there for me anymore. But being with Darren I didn't have to think, I didn't have to do anything but what he wanted.

It may have been something weak, but I had craved the feeling of someone taking care of me.

"Well there was this one night that we were hanging out at a convenience store and we were drinking heavily, well they were, I was trying not to. Darren and his friends got pretty thrashed and they began throwing stones at the window, breaking the glass, cursing loudly and making a scene. The store owner came out and threatened to call the police if they didn't leave. I wanted to. I should have, but we didn't."

Guilt wrapped a heavy hand around my throat causing a lump to form there. I had replayed that night too many times in my mind thinking of ways that something about that night could have changed but the nothing ever really did.

"Darren and his friends didn't much like that the man had threatened them so they all ganged up and started beating him. It was so bad, the man was bleeding so much and still they wouldn't stop. I remember screaming for them to stop so much that my throat felt raw. I don't know who, but someone managed to pry Darren off and they ran away. I was so scared. Here I was this fourteen year old girl too young to be there."