The Broken Pieces Left Behind

Chapter 31

Things had begun to feel like normal again. A new kind of normal anyway. Mom was around more and I could tell that she did want to change, that she had changed. She would be home every evening when I got home, dinner made and ready to spend time with me, it was such a drastic change that I was scared that I was just imagining all of this.

Phil had told me that this was a good thing, that I should just appreciate things instead of just looking for things that could go wrong. I had been trying hard to appreciate it and so far it was working.

Things with Erin was the same as well, it was like we hadn't spent the last three weeks ignoring each other.

I had to admit that while I was happy, I felt like there was something missing. Only it wasn't just something, it was someone.

I wanted to talk to him, apologise but the expression on his face each time he looked at me made me chicken out and not say anything. That cold expression and hardened eyes made it hard to gather any kind of courage.

It hurt. Knowing that the warmth in his eyes was long longer there, that the breathtaking smile I always got from him was no longer for me. Jack didn't want to be around me in any way. I had made such a mess of everything that he was doing exactly what I thought I wanted him to do, leave me alone. Only that wasn't what I wanted.

"What are you looking at?" I sat down on the couch next to my mom.

Sara had made dinner, and we had sat down together. I loved these moments with her. The precious moments when we were mother and daughter with no barriers around us. All the turmoil of emotions that we had been through the last couple of years felt like a far distant memory.

"My wedding video," mom answered her voice was wistful and soft. Her eyes were soft filled with tears. I snuggled closer looping my hand in her elbow, resting my head on her shoulder.

"Why do you watch it then if it makes you sad?"

She petted my cheek and smiled, a soft knowing smile. "Because it's a happy memory, and just because I cry because of it doesn't make it less so."

"I missed this, you. So much," I whispered more to myself than to her. She nodded humming her agreement.

"I love you sweet girl."

"I love you too mom."

We had watched most of the video but mom was sleepy so we decided that sleep would be a good idea. The only problem was I couldn't sleep. I watched as the minutes on the clock counted down, echoing into the quiet. I sighed and got up pushing my hands through my hair.

Pushing off the covers I padded into the kitchen, knowing my way around even in the dark.

There was no ice-cream in the freezer so I settled on a glass of warm milk. They said it was supposed to help you sleep. I was willing to give it a try. Parking myself on the couch I turned on the TV hoping that it would distract my mind from my own thoughts.

My parents smiling face popped on screen and I couldn't help but smile. They looked so happy that I was jealous. Jealous of the fact that they had that; and happy that they had it with each other.

The screen flickered, like someone had recorded over the frame and I frowned. I was going to turn it off and go back to bed but I froze when I heard my dad's voice. "Who does daddy love then most?"

"Me!" five year old me said throwing my hands in the air. The sound of my father's laughter floated all around me and my eyes burned with tears. My chest compressed painfully, but my eyes remined glued to the images.

"And who does daddy love after he loves you?"

"Mommy!" I shouted excitedly pointing to the camera where I could hear my mother's laughter.