Memory VI

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There was an edge of an emotion to me that I couldn't quite place.

Malak had confined me to his room the day Arlo gave me the moon. He was attentive to a point. He would come in after his duties were done, letting me sleep before he would wake me up and sit in the moonlight, me on his lap. Sometimes he would speak, tell me of his day or mock me for my love of the moon that shined so brightly. He called it foolish, a detriment, a weakness. I never listened to his jealous and spiteful words, the moon's whispers would drown him out. I didn't need to understand what she said, just the sound of her voice was enough.

It had been weeks and Malak had yet to lay a hand on me that was cruel. I had been used to that in the pit. He was never shy of a grip that was bruising or a harsh slap for my words, good or bad. He had shown me great cruelty while I languished in the darkness but now he was showing me restraint. I was terrified if I did the wrong thing that he would hurt me once more. That he would put me back in the pit, leave me in the darkness once more.

I shuddered at the thought, bringing a hand up and tugging on my lank hair. It had lost its lustre, the darkness taking even the shine from the strands. I tugged harder, my expression darkening. Chaos spilled into my mind. Torn in two. My body loved him, my mind hated him, I was stuck in the middle. I tugged again, liking the sharp pain that followed, liking how it tugged my head to the side. It distracted me from the painful clashing of my instincts inside of me.

"Please, don't tug on your hair, Maggie." Arlo's voice was soothing as he reached up and gently pried my hair from my fingers. His hands were big, much bigger than my own. I let him, giving him a small smile. Such a sweet man, Arlo was. He was a kind man, a gentle soul. The moon spoke of him often, murmuring things to me about him, about his soul. "Your hair is damaged enough as it is." His voice was slightly chiding as he set my hand back on the covers.

As Delta to the pack, Arlo often took on menial tasks that Malak did not believe he needed to be bothered with. I was a bother to Malak during the day. It was alright for me, without him the clashing in my mind was not as bad. It simmered in the back of my mind, waiting for him, but it stayed away as long as he did. Or as long as the mention of him stayed away from my ears.

"Can you eat a bit more?" Arlo's soft brown eyes looked me over, looking for a sign of exhaustion or weakness. Arlo fed me, like he used to bring me water and scraps in the darkness. He would feed me by hand, his large hands never wavering as he would gently spoon soup into my mouth as if I were a child.

"Yes, Delta Arlo." I bowed my head respectfully and Arlo's mouth twitched downwards. He didn't like the title but Malak had demanded I use it. His grip on my shoulder had been heavy and nearing painful as he said it. The timid little wolf that I was, tucked tail and submitted to his authority. Arlo's name never left my lips without the title attached.

He looked like he wished to say something, his eyes looking almost sad before he carefully got a spoonful of soup for me. "Just a few more spoons, Maggie. Then you need to go to the doctor." He moved the spoon to my mouth and I dutifully opened it, taking what he gave me with a faint smile as I swallowed it. I reached out and touched his hand, patting his warm skin gently with my fingers.

"Thank you, Delta Arlo." I bowed my head at him and he let out a sigh before dipping the spoon into the bowl and bringing it to my mouth. I continued to eat, Arlo carefully feeding me what remained in the bowl. I ate until my stomach hurt.

Malak had gotten angry at me a few weeks ago for not finishing my meals. I wasn't gaining condition like he believed I should be. I always made sure to finish what I was given, even if it made me sick. That was why I liked it when Arlo would feed me. After me eating to the point I became sick, he had cut back my portions. Not enough to be noticed by anyone, but just enough that I could eat without becoming sick.

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