Chapter 14

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After the venue is closed for the night and it would appear as though everyone has gone home, I go back to the bus. The guys are already there.

"Good job tonight. I can tell the fans liked you," Andy says.

"Ash, do they know I'm your girlfriend?" I ask. 

"You never know. The fans can go pretty far into our personal lives," he shrugs. 

"Should we make it public? Since, you know, I'm having your kid?" I suggest.

"I'm ready whenever you are. We just need to be careful. Things could get out of hand really quickly," he says with a warning tone in his voice.

"I know. That's why the comments are off on your Instagram," I say. 

"When do you want to do it?" he asks.

"Let's wait until I have a baby bump. That way we'll have something to show everyone," I offer. 

"Good idea. How long will that take?"

"Shouldn't be long now. I'd say a few weeks."

"Okay."

"Are you guys gonna kiss or what? It's been a solid ten minutes," Jinxx teases. 

I answer him by kissing Ashley on the cheek. Ashley blushes and kisses me on mine. Andy rolls his eyes and sighs. 

"You two are gonna be the death of me," he mutters. 

"At least we won't have to put up with you bitching every time we kiss," I mutter back. 

"Really?" Andy says defensively. "You want me gone? I gave you everything when you had nothing. Someone would have left you for dead!" he starts raising his voice. 

"All you do lately is bitch and moan and whine about Ashley and I. I'm sick of it, and something needs to change," I say back. 

"Fucking stop. Just stop. I'm not the one that needs changing. You two are always all over each other!"

"Andy, stop!" Jake gets in front of him, who was beginning to come at me like he was gonna hit me or something. "Chill out. Just...sit down."

"Come on, let's go," Ashley whispers to me, leading me away. "Let's just let him have a moment."

"Okay," I whisper shakily. "Has he been drinking?"

"I don't think so. He hasn't drank in years. He's probably just in a bad mood. It's always stressful the first few nights of a tour to get back in the swing of things."

"Okay," I say, starting to cry. "I'm gonna go to bed."

"Alex, wait," Ashley says as I get up. I don't listen and I go back to my bunk. I climb into bed and pull the covers over my head. I start crying and my skin begins to sting with hot tears. 

"Alex," CC says, coming near my bunk. "Come on, he didn't mean it."

"How do you know?" I whimper. 

"He's already sorry. He wants to talk to you," he says.

"If Andy wants to talk to me, he knows where to find me," I stammer. 

"I'll tell him," CC says quietly, leaving me alone. 

Andy doesn't come back. Ashley, CC, Jake, and Jinxx all leave me alone. I lie awake after everyone else has gone to sleep. I open the curtains and look at the night sky as we go past it. I start crying again and wonder if I'm really that much of a hassle to Andy. Sure, I'm not the best person in the world, but we care about each other. Or at least I thought we did. I sigh quietly. 

"I know you're awake up there," Jinxx says from the bunk below me. I don't reply, hoping he goes away. "Talk to me, Alex."

I don't say anything, I just start crying. I quietly get off my bed and onto the floor. I tiptoe to the makeshift kitchen we have and look at the bottle of painkillers. You'll kill the baby if you take those. Who cares? Andy obviously wishes I didn't have it anyway. I take a deep breath and unscrew the cap. I unscrew the cap on my water bottle. I put about ten pills in my hand and swallow them. I take another ten and another ten until there's nothing left in the bottle. I must've taken 50 pills. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. What have I done? I fall back onto the couch lazily and in shock. My head pounds. It takes everything in me to stop from screaming. I even put my hand over my mouth and quietly shriek. Obviously, someone heard me because I hear footsteps rushing towards the front of the bus. 

"Are you okay?" Jinxx asks frantically. I shake my head. "What happened?" I point to the empty bottle of pills and fall off the couch in terror of what's next. "Oh my god," he mutters. "Ash!"

A sleepy Ashley comes out and looks at me, sprawled out on the floor. "What happened?"

"Alex overdosed," Jinxx says, showing Ashley the empty bottle. 

"Oh my god, Alex! Jinxx, call 911 or tell the driver to get us to the nearest hospital," he says frantically, waking up within an instant. Within seconds, Andy comes running out and I try to get off the floor, but I fall back down. 

"Why are we going to the hospital?" he asks worriedly. 

"Alex overdosed," Ashley says, coming beside me. He lays my head in his lap and strokes my hair while I cry some more. 

"Why? Alex, what happened?" Andy demands. 

"You were really mad. I thought you didn't want me around anymore!" I yell. Jake and CC come out. Jinxx quietly explains the situation and they look at me, shocked. 

"Oh, Alex..." is all Andy manages to say. He looks puzzled but angry at the same time. I don't want him to be mad at me. That's what got me into this mess in the first place. The bus comes to a halt. CC runs to the front. 

"We're at the hospital!" he yells. Ashley picks me up and carries me bridal style through the doors of the emergency room. 

"Stay awake, baby," he whispers to me as Andy frantically talks to a nurse. "Stay awake."

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