Reconnected (Tokio Hotel FanFic)

Ch 4- Kampf der Liebe (Pain of Love)

(Original)

Lauf durch die Glut/ Marschier durch Schnee/ Nur fuer den Kampf der Liebe/ Schwarz ist der Tag/ Ich halt mich wach/ Rot ist der Kampf der Liebe/ Ich fuehl die Kraft/ Ich fuehl mich schwach/ Ich kaempf den Kampf um Liebe

(English)

The pain of love/ Will never stop/ We are our own creation/ The pain of love/ Lives in our hearts/ It's deeper than the ocean/ The pain of love/ Waits in the dark/ We take it in slow motion- Tokio Hotel- Kampf der Liebe

Ch 4

June 13, 2010

​"...you should've seen Bill. He was at your rescue-"

​"Adileigh, can you just quit talking about last night?" I asked harshly, but without forgetting my manners, sweetly added, "Please?" I knew she wasn't trying to hurt me, but with her praise to Bill, she also brought back memories of Luke.

​We were already in the family room, despite the early hours of the morning. Neither of us slept well and we couldn't fall into a deep sleep without one of us waking up the other. Throughout the night, this cycle repeated itself.

​"Is your mom going to make breakfast anytime soon?"

​"If she were awake she would, but you do realize it's only eight in the morning. She isn't an early bird, remember? And she came home only two days ago so expect her to sleep in even later than usual."

​But I was proven wrong. The aroma of hazelnut coffee soon ruffled the air.

​"Looks like she's up," commented Adileigh as she departed from the room to greet my mum.

​The sudden muttering of voices caused my curiosity to spike as I didn't want my problems to rub off onto mum. Hopefully Adileigh would keep her mouth shut, and though she may have been my best friend, since forever, there were times were she slipped on black ice. Yet the moment my foot stepped into the kitchen conversation paused for a brief second.

​"And what were we telling mum about the Kaulitz twins?" I asked as I had overheard Bill's name in the snapshot of the exchange.

​Mum flinched ever so slightly. Emotions hovered within depths of her eyes, yet they revealed nothing. She stared off for a second before regaining the flow of reality to her wondering thoughts.

​"Well, I was just telling your m- I mean Gretchen about the concert last night. And the amazing time we spent backstage with Tokio Hotel." With that comment I glared sharply at Adileigh, who saw nothing wrong with the recall of events. Though I didn't want to hint to my mum that the total truth wasn't being told, I swallowed the lump forming in my throat.

​"Ya. It was indescribable," I managed trying to sound enthusiastic although my mind was running from image to image; thought to thought.

​"So mum, how was your night?" I asked trying to move my train of thoughts elsewhere.

​"It was enjoyable," she replied, "I was actually going through some old photo albums of the two of you. You were young and happy." Yet with that response, she drifted off, not wanting to share the intertwining thoughts of other subjects. The look in her eyes revealed she was pondering resurfacing problems from the past. Again. Though these times didn't happen too often, I always contemplate with myself what might be behind those spinning wheels.

​"Yup," replied Adileigh, with her motive to not allow an awkward silence to appear in the midst; however, it already set in before she had spoken. Yet going on with her thoughts, she finished, "But you can't forget how adorable we were too."

​"True," Gretchen confirmed.

​Reflecting in her eyes, I detected pain from long ago wavering beyond her thoughts. To me, she became an open book. Only to me though. No one else ever noticed the slight changes in mum's mood, voice or actions as they were so discreet. Yet I could easily tell bothersome thoughts lingered.

​Finally her mouth twitched, "The name Kaulitz sounds so familiar, like I've heard it before."

​"Well ya. I always am tossing out random facts about Tokio Hotel. It's not unusual to hear their last-"

​"No, not from you Adileigh. Somewhere else, the name, it's- it's-"

​"A German last name," I supplied, "and a common one too. Nothing to work yourself over," but deep inside I knew there had to be another reason why she became worried.

​A tear fell, one of many to come. Slowly it trickled against the edge of her nose. Mentally breaking down, untouched emotions created in time, fell between cracks of old memories. Amidst the stifling of sniffles, she addressed me, "Sephora, it's time for you to know-"

​"Mum, just take-"

​"No, you need to listen. Your father..." Her voice trailed off, trying to find the words need to explain the thoughts continuously replaying themselves in a blur. "You've always been curious," she restarted, "about your father. For me though it's been a -how do I want to word this- touchy, no, a sensitive subject."

​"Mum, I've accepted the fact, a long time ago, that my father left when I was too young to remember. It doesn't matter anymore; you succeeded in raising me by yourself."

​"Sephora, face it," cut in Adileigh, "you've practically have raised yourself."

​"No, I haven't. We've helped each other through problems, but if I needed to lean on someone, I knew she'd always be there. And look who I've turned out to be." But just because I didn't want mum to expose past damage of her heart, didn't mean I wasn't curious. Of course, I've always wondered. Thoughts of this sort always preserved in the edge of consciousness; however, I wasn't stupid enough to ever bring up the subject. I'd tried earlier in life and it only left me with more unanswered questions.

"Yes, but it's time for you to at least know who he was. The man I never married, but whom I fell in love with. He tore away at my heart, leaving me alone with you. Your my only memory left of him."

She swiped away another tear forming in the crease of her eye. "You look so much like him. I try not to remember, but he invades my mind. His name fades, yet his face, smiling at me, is clear as day."

​"If it's too painful, don't speak," I whispered, afraid of what she might say. Although my thoughts were already connecting the dots, I denied my final conclusion. Not until she tells me, I told myself. You won't assume anything.

​"It's not like we'll know him, but who was he, Ms. Rosezen- Gretchen?"

"Kaulitz. His last name was Kaulitz."

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This chapter is so vital to the story. So I hope you red carefully. I think this is the least amount of time its taken me to write a chapter. 4 days, well maybe 5 now after I've posted. But anyway, see what happens when I put my mind to it! If anything, I hoped you enjoyed reading. :)

Until next time

-Midnightriter