Reconnected (Tokio Hotel FanFic)

Ch 22-Wenn Nichts mehr Geht (When You're at a Loss)

(Original)

Wenn nichts mehr geht/ Werd' ich ein engel sein - Für dich allein/ Und dir in jeder dunklen nacht erschein'/ Und dann fliegen wir weit weg von hier/ Wir werden uns nie mehr verlier'n/ Bis du mir das erste mal erscheinst/ Stell' ich mir vor dass du von oben/ Mit den wolken für mich weinst/ Ich wart unendlich lang auf dich

(English Translation)

When you're at a loss I'll be an angel/ For you alone/ And appear for you in ev'ry deep dark night/ And then we will fly far away from here/ We will never loose us again/ Until you appear the first time/ I imagine that from above you/ Cry for me with the clouds/I wait an eternity for you- Tokio Hotel- Wenn Nichts mehr Geht

Ch 22

February 18, 2011

The room resembled nothing of me. No photos aligned the wall, I had packed them away. No posters scattered the empty spaces against the pale orange walls, those too had been thrown into a trash bag. The floor was spotless, for once, without a trace of, well, anything. My dressers were bare of jewelry, hair products and perfume. The room just held the ghost of my past.

As I glanced around, I didn't live here anymore. The personal touch of me withered down to nothing. Clothes that used to be abundant among my closets slowly disappeared, begging tucked away in each duffle bag.

Zzzzzzzzzip! That was the last, but her voice kept nagging, echoing in the following silence. Nostalgically reminding me to stop procrastinating on whatever project that loomed above my head. It reminded me of her half scolding, half laughing voice that she purposely toyed with to agitate me daily.

Memories flowed in a strong current around my head.

I couldn't stay here. Not alone. Not with family. Not anymore. I needed to get back to normalcy. Whatever that meant. I needed to root myself in solid ground, where I could hide my tears with a smile and no one would notice the difference. Act strong in the lowest point of weakness and get away with 'I'm fine' without a questioning look. A place where no one cared how much any person drank or how a student might spend their free time.

I wanted, no, I needed a place to forget about what life served me.

A nock interrupted my wondering thoughts. "Yes?"

"So you have decided to join us in LA," Tom stated. "But the real question is, what Bill wants to know is, have you made a decision on the job offer?"

"I'm packing. I never agreed I'd move to LA with you. Don't make assumptions." There was a silent tension holding the air. Neither of us took a breath. I knew he was waiting for a reply; a reply that neither twin would take to their liking.

"Sephora, where are you going?"

"Not to LA," I scoffed, "I told you I'm not excepting your offer. I can't do it." I glanced at my wrist the bracelet from the summer only twisted my gut further in tearing memories apart. "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to join a band that formed from pure friendship. Yes, I can sing. Yes, I can play guitar. But I'm not going to ruin the one place you hold dear in your heart."

"You wouldn't ruin it. How could you ruin it? You're family. And as a band that is what we are, family."

"You may think you know me, but truthfully you don't. You think I'm going to tear the last part of stability from my life to live the high life in LA?" I paused waiting to see if there would be a response. "I still have to finish college and build a life. I'm not fortunate enough to have a miracle come along and give me a free ticket for life."

"So where?"

"Back to college, where people don't know I have famous half-brothers, where I can blend invisibly into a crowd and not have the publicity around my neck."

"Where?"

"Does it matter? I'm going back to college," I raise my voice slightly pushing my point across as a silence lapsed into place.

My suitcases piled on top of one another by the door as I carried one by one down the stairs. I refused the offer of help as I threw my belongings in the back of the car, running up the stairs to grab another set. Bags upon bags filled the car as all four boys stayed on the front porch watching.

Confusion was evident on their faces. Their eyes stayed soft with sorrow, but never did a word pass their lips. The eeriness of it all, the group stood motionless with a slight rise and fall in their chest all in the same rhythm as if trying to haunt me in my decision. Every glance toward them brought a memory swirling to the surface, imagining their stance on stage with their instrument in hand. Karma wouldn't leave the memories alone.

My eyes studied the sky for a moment, watching the clouds drift with the wind before focusing myself upon the bracelet. The words stabbed my heart. As I glanced upward, I observed each and every face. Hurt, lost, helplessness, lingered behind those bronze eyes. No emotion showed in his facial features, everything stayed blank.

With all my heart, I wanted to run, give everyone a hug, saying this wouldn't be the last time I'd see them. Hopefully planning on another family bonding time. But I would crumble at their feet. I would have no choice left in the matter if I turned to them. But I knew if they saw another tear slide down my worn face, I'm not sure how much more publicity I could take.

A disconsolate smile grazed my lips. "Goodbye," I whispered barely moving my lips to make audible sound.

I slid in my car, with the convertible top up, and drove the distance. Only to look in the rearview to my house, out of view.

Out of sight. Out of mind.

If life could only be that simple.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Well, hello there :D This is odd, I have to upload from school because I didn't have any connection.

I finished another chapter. Yay! It was quite simple actually. Sometimes I just need to ponder and realize what I'm doing. Like the last few chapters there has been a lot, and I mean a lot of dialogue. I actually don't like using dialogue to often. I guess I just needed a sprig board for my thoughts. Anyway, the amount of dialogue will change as I begin editing.

So just wanted to give a few heads up. One, my goal is to finish this book by the end of the year, hopefully. And begin editing in 2013. But sorry to say the edited version will not be uploaded because I usually only post first drafts online (but maybe that'll change... Who knows)

Secondly, I've been entered into a competition with Reconnected. It is begging hosted by Kia Garriques. It's an amazing opportunity to become know on wattpad. So feel free to send an email with a note about why I should be nominated to competitions@kiagarriques.com. Also add a link to the first chapter of Reconnected.

Thank you all in advance, from the deepest places in my heart.

With love, until next time 

-Midnightriter