Reconnected (Tokio Hotel FanFic)

Ch 5- Lass uns Laufen (World Behind my Wall)

(Original)

Lass uns laufen/ Wenn die Dunkelheit kommt/ Irgendwo hat unsere Zukunft/ Begonnen/ Hinterm Horizont/ Oh/ Lass uns laufen/ Bis die Nacht sich erhellt/ Und bis der letzte Regen/ Der Welt/ Über uns zerfällt

(English)

They're telling me/ It's beautiful/ I believe them/ But will I ever know/ The world behind my wall/ Oh/ The sun will shine/ Like never before/ One day I will be/ Ready to go/ See the world behind my wall- Tokio Hotel- Lass uns Laufen

Ch 5

June 16, 2010

​The sun burned down with the heat of the day. Alone again, I thought, just like the last couple days. With the heat came a warm breeze, but it gave me no relief of the sun. There was no shade I could hide behind. Though the trees that covered the yard created a forest on the edge of our property, I found myself too lazy to pick myself off of the wooden bench that creaked with the gentle push of my feet off the ground.

​A journal lay in my hands, yet my jumble of thoughts didn't make sense as they formed words. Anyway I'd have to interpret them later if I did. I had the urge to pluck a few strings of my acoustic guitar sitting near my bed inside to see if any catchy phrase came to mind. But again the laziness took a stronger hold.

​The patio door swung open. "Sephora," mum said, "I'm leaving for a bit."

​"Alright."

​Without much more conversation, I waited to hear the roar of her engine before slipping inside the house, holding secrets. For mum, this could've been any normal day, but for me, I was breaking the barrier my mind had built. Sounds funny, doesn't it? But it's like there's a safe inside my mind that is confining information I wanted, as if the truth might hurt.

​Time was valuable in searching beyond the limits of what's hidden and what's available. If I had seen it before, most likely wouldn't help in this case of digging into the past. Mum rarely opened up about this Kaulitz guy, who was my father.

​Usually I wouldn't mind asking just for some paper work of whomever I wanted to know about, especially if it was family. But I'd rather not involve mum who may get hurt in the process. It was on the impulse of curiosity, I've been holding back on the search for longer than I remember. When questions are left unanswered, some people feel the need to pry at the past, but I put it off believing that at some point they would answer themselves. When mum was strong enough, she'd lay the cards flat on the table. No tricks, no spells, no shadowed cards. But that day never came. After years of hiding, I thought I could forget about him, but he plagued my mind. At least he now had a name rather than a nameless, faceless person who left all those years ago.

​Locked drawers lined a cabinet, which sat against the wall of mum's room. Knowing it had always been awaiting the day of its opening, I decided that I had to know the secrets they contained. Now. My attempts to crack the lock failed miserably leading me nowhere in the search. Now where would mum hide keys? Somewhere safe, but also somewhere where she wouldn't forget their location.

​Walking over to her armoire, filled with never worn jewelry, I carefully peered and scrounged each compartment. But before closing each chamber, I rearranged the items to their original position. The last thing that needed to happen was mum finding out about my exploratory activities.

​Kindling guilt began to surface, bringing me back to days in my younger years when I tried to find this exact information without a name. Though I'm twenty, I could undoubtedly say I've never grown out of the beginning of teenage years. I've always let curiosity guide me, no matter what the age or what trouble it found me in. And now, I acted purely on spur of the moment.