»Faded« // Min Yoongi [#BangtanAwards]

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My dad stood in front of me and Yoongi with a gun.

"Oh well, do you want to kill us like you killed my mum?" I said and laughed.

"Haha, you're just a little whore like your mom." He said.

He tied us by the hands and we should sit against the wall.

"I know you've seen all this, even if I tried to prevent you from doing so. I know you heard it from the other children. Other Dad's  are not on the title pages. Other Dad's do not pay at Toys "R" us with 500 euro notes. Other Dad's are not annoyed by paparazzi.  But because Papa always says bad things. The whole neighborhood thinks that he is doing evil things, But Dad says the things he says because he doesn't want to do the things he did." He said

"I don't care, duh. You stole my youth, okay? You hit me. You hurt me. All the time. Even if I needed you more than anything. I fucking cut myself and you didn't care. You killed my mom and now? You give me a letter and pretend that nothing happened." I said.

Honestly, I'm not scared.

I miss the old sadness.

I miss the cries of breaking a leg.

I miss the feeling of not getting what you want, the feeling of fighting with a friend, with a sibling.

I miss that sadness because of this sadness, this grief, makes everything else feel small.

I don't know those feelings anymore because the feeling of the loss of someone you love...

it's unlike any sadness I've felt before.

I don't want this sadness, this sorrow.

I miss the old sadness.

"Don't talk to me like that! I'm still you father!" He screamed and I just laughed.

"Babe, calm down...Please...He'll kill us..." Yoongi said.

"Oh, who is that? Do you think, he really loves you? He just wants to fuck a bitch like you. Just sex. No more. " My Dad said and my heart broke again.

I know that Yoongi loves me.

He loves me, right?

"Don't listen to him..."  Yoongi said and tried to grab my hand.

"When I asked you if you thought I should leave; I wanted you to say "No"
but all you said was "Go." I always ask to see if you're okay, but not once have you asked me if I was. You think, that you're still my father? No, I lost my father, after he killed my mom. After he was yelling at me. After he hit me. After He killed me too." I said and a tear rolls over my cheek.

Sometimes you gotta bleed to know that you're alive and have a soul.

But it takes someone to come around to show you ho.

"You should know, that I loved you as my daughter, but you disappointed me. I think you won't see me again, so remember my last words. Yes, I loved you, but now. I just feel hate, when I see you. Yes, I think I hate you." He said and smiled.

He put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

He killed himself.

And I lost my father completely.