Friday Night Dinner

Morris' Funeral

The car ride was awkward. I can't believe Mr. Morris is dead, I mean I only met him twice and he verbally abused me each time but it's still sad.

"Move over" Adam shoved Jonny, we all sat in the back of Martin's car since I stayed the night at Jonny's and we both drank the night before. I had a bit of a headache but Jonny was ruined, we should have brought a plastic bag to throw up in.

"Ow" Jonny shoved back.

"Stop it!" I snapped, "why are we even going? You guys didn't exactly like the man"

"If we have to suffer you do too darling" Aunty Jack spoke from the front seat, applying some lip gloss.

"Where's Nellie?" I asked.

"She's already there setting up" she replied. Jonny started giggling.

"I can't believe she continued her affair after running out on their wedding and after he got remarried to another woman within 3 months" Jonny put his arm around me to make himself comfortable.

"Can you stop being so lover dovey and more respectful of a great man.." Adam couldn't finish his sentence because he was laughing too hard.

"Don't be horrible Adam, Mr. Morris was a well respected person of the community" Aunty Jack cracked up.

*

"Today we say farewell to a man so well-"

"Why did he choose an open casket?" I whispered to Jonny, I swear I was going to puke at the old git.

"I know. I'm scared I'm going to throw up on him when we pass by to give our wishes"

*
"If anyone would like to say something, please take some time now before the will is read" the priest said. His wife went to the podium and said some really short words, Nellie then went up. Aunty Jack trued stopping her but she wouldn't have it.

"Hello. My name is Nellie and I was an companion-no, I don't need to lie. Lou and I were lovers, it's where he died! On top of me!" She yelled. My mouth was gaping open, where is the popcorn?

"I knew it! You big...whore!" Mr. Morris' wife went to attack Nellie but luckily some others got in the way. After that calmed down, we all paid out respects aka, went to see a dead body with too much make up on it.
When we passed the casket, I honestly felt so creeped out.

"Join me Vivian, join me on the other side" Adam whispered in my ear, I slapped him away. We all waited outside while Nellie stayed behind with the lawyer about Mr. Morris' final demands.

"Do you think she got anything?" Adam asked.

"She was his lover for a long time" Martin replied, the boys shivered at the word 'lover'.

"Ugh, could you not say that?" Adam asked.

"What's wrong with two oldies going at it like a pair of rabbits?" I made them gag, "all that extra flesh just flopping about?" Jonny tried covering my mouth, "taking a break half way through for a power nap and medication"

"Okay, enough" Aunty Jack was disgusted too. Nellie walked out of the building with pride, "well? Anything?"

"I got his house and all of his finances" She told us with a big grin, her and Aunty Jack hugged.

"Aw congratulations Mum! How did the wife take it?" At that moment Mr. Morris' widow stormed passed the hugging women muttering profanities.

"Reacted as you would expect" Nellie replied.

"Now you'll get two pounds in your purses" I jumped and clapped.

*

We went to the wake at the Morris residence, it was awkward to say the least. Also creepy, the man decorated his house like he was afraid of the sun and attracted to blood. Red and black curtains draped the windows and Victorian furniture covered the living room, there was hardly anywhere to walk. The Goodman's and I were stuck in a corner.

"Lovely wake" Adam commented as someone bumped into him.

"Why are we even here? Nellie has her money let's go to the casino" I jokingly suggested. Aunty Jack laughed a bit too loud and attracted the attention of Mrs. Morris. She sent daggers in our direction.

"Sorry for your loss" Aunty Jack frowned and wished the new widow. She gave me a small smack, "Adam can you go find your grandmother I want to go before your dad tells anymore dead body jokes" she asked.

"And then the man says, 'of corpse I love you" Martin cracked up with shrimp in his mouth. He was chatting to some man who wanted nothing to do with him.

"Dad!" Adam whispered, I don't why he did that it's not like he's going to hear him.

"That's useless Pusface" I commented before seeing a pan of bruschetta lying half off a table next to me. I grabbed a few pieces and shoved them to Jonny.

"How's this going to help?"

"We have to run" I said.

"Why?" Jonny asked as I slapped the bruschetta tray on the ground, creating a loud bang on the hard wood floors.

"That's why, go!" I whispered as we shuffled away from the mess and grabbed Martin along the way.

"What happened?" Martin asked.

"Never mind what happened, let's just get out of here" Aunty Jack told him. We saw the light, sunlight! I forgot the sight! We were so close to the front door I almost smelled fresh air and not mothballs and too much formal perfume. But one of us didn't make it.

"Where's Pusface?" Jonny asked.

"Mum!" We heard a faint, nasal sound. Looking towards the house, we all saw Adam being grabbed by the widow and being scolded by her. He called for help a few more times before giving up and entering the house again. The adults, Jonny and I were silent.

"I say we leave him" Jonny shrugged before Martin and I started walking towards the car.

"We can't just leave him! Jonny go get your brother and grandmother and be quick! Take Viv with you" Aunty Jack told us.

We entered the creepy ass house again. This time we split up. I saw Adam getting ear bashed and hit on by a 7 year old girl. I gave him the double thumbs up as she stroked his face, he shot daggers at me. I walked closer to him and tried pulling him away while the girl got something to eat but she stopped me. She had a tight grip on him and asked me what I was doing.

"Sorry sweetie we have to go now" I said.

"But he has to stay here, I'm his girlfriend she spoke proudly"

"It seems like redheads have a thing for you" I muttered to Adam.

"She came up to me just as I got out of the widows grip and dragged me down here" to the back of the house.

"What are you two talking about? You're not allowed to whisper to other girls that's cheating!" She raised her voice too loud and yanked Adam closer to her, is she the antichrist?

"Sorry Chloe, I really have to leave now" he got out of her grip, "I'll call you"

"What?" She frowned.

"I mean, email?" Adam responded, she still frowned in confusion.

"How old are you?" I asked Adam, "He'll facetime you" I told her. Adam ran faster than me to the front door, I couldn't spot Jonny outside.
"Where's Pissface?" I asked.

"I don't know but I am not going in there again!"

I traipsed inside again and as soon as I hit the kitchen I heard a shriek. Everybody ran to when I was and the widow was laying on the floor with a spatula in her hand, not dead but definitely unconscious. Nellie had her dress ripped so everyone could see her right boob. Everyone froze, it was like a scene from a murder mystery. Jonny was there too, his shirt was ripped, fair was a mess and had a swollen nose...oh wait that's just his regular nose.