Friday Night Dinner

Awkward Encounters of the Goodman Kind

"I can't believe you broke your arm," I muttered as I entered the Goodman household.

"In my defence, I was left unsupervised," Jonny raised a hand.

"I don't want to keep driving you everywhere in your shitbox," I hung my coat on the coatrack, Aunty Jack entered the foyer smiling but gasped at her youngest son. She gave me a peck on the cheek as a hello but talked with Jonny.

"Hello! Oh, my poor Jonnyboo! What happened?" she hugged him tightly. Pissface always loved the attention whenever he could get it, what a baby.

"I fell over and broke my radial head," he pouted as he was led to the living room. I scoffed at the act he was putting on.

"By that you mean you were on Anthony's shoulders at a party trying the huge trenchcoat gag and fell from his shoulders after he tripped," I explained to his mother, she slapped his arm lightly, telling him he was an idiot.

"You're just as terrible as your brother," she scolded, "have you seen him?" she sat with Jonny on the two-seater while I leaned on the arm. We shook our heads, I had plastered a grin on my face when I saw that familiar gossip-like glint in her eye, "well apparently he went on another date with a girl he's seeing and they really hit it off," she raised both brows twice. I chuckled as Jonny squirmed, not really wanting to know about Adam's sex life, "but don't make fun of him when he gets here. He doesn't know that I know," Jonny and I exchanged a knowing look.

"Come on Aunty Jack, be real."

"Yeah Mum, we can't promise anything like that," Jonny and I were being totally serious, "how did you even find out?"

"Oh you don't want to know," she waved him off.

"Oh don't say that. Now we need to know," I gripped Jonny's shoulder. Aunty Jack readjusted her outfit.

"Oh alright. Adam may have...accidentally called me last night," her voice descending into a whisper, "during his orgasm,"

"UGH!" we both gagged, "too much! Too far!" Johnny crossed his arms. That disgusting feeling faded when I heard the front door open and shut.

"Hi!" Pusface greeted the house. Jonny and I ran towards Adam but stopped right before him not saying a word. Our silence along with our cheeky smiles and giggles may have creeped him out, "hello," he greeted again.

"Hello," I nodded. Pusface walked between Jonny and I to get to his Mum.

"Hi Mum,"

"Hi Bobble, how are you?" she glared at Pisshead and I while hugging her eldest child.

"How can she touch him after hearing him...you know?"

"How can anyone touch him...ever?" Jonny joked.

"What are you two giggling about?" Adam looked over his shoulder, he probably knew we were laughing about him, we do little else.

"Jonny just said-" I stopped myself from exposing Aunty jack, "a funny," 

I admit there was a moment of uncomfortable silence in the hallway, but it deteriorated quickly once Martin entered from the toilet...or made it worse. The half-naked man exited the downstairs washroom fanning himself with a newspaper and breathing heavily as if he'd just finished a marathon.

"Woooo!" he sang, "do not go in there for at least an hour," why did he direct that towards me?

"Martin you've got a stain on your thigh," I spoke while looking away. Everyone groaned.

"Ugh, Dad,"

"Dad that's disgusting,"

"Martin honestly!"