Friday Night Dinner

The Ex

"So why are we cooking dinner again?" I asked Jonny as I chose the chicken for tonight's roast.

"Mum's elbow is still terrible, plus it's nice to do good things for people"

"If her elbow still hurts then why is she carrying 3 shopping bags" I pointed to the registers and Jonny saw that his mum was paying. He ran to her and I followed soon after, being the next customer.

"Hi Aunty Jack"

"Oh hi love" she looked like she'd been caught out.

"Guess what babe? Mum doesn't seem to think that we can cook dinner tonight. She's preparing a backup. We're not Dad! We have some hand-eye coordination!" Jonny was upset. I was sort of hoping I didn't have to pay for my own groceries.

"So? We suck" I replied, the cashier girl chuckled while she scanned.

"Oh, Jonnyboo don't be upset. I have total faith in you! This is just for...for...Saturday! We're hosting a dinner party" good save.

"A dinner party? Why was I not made aware?"

"Because it's just friends," Aunty Jack replied.

"That'll be 40 pounds" the shop girl spoke to me, I was hardly listening I felt like I was multitasking by listening to the two Goodman's bicker and having to pay for my food. I gave the money to the cashier and grabbed my stuff.

"Pissface, grab your mothers shopping," I told him.

"Val and Larry? That's hardly a dinner party and a lot of food for just one night" Jonny pointed out while taking her bags.

"Yeah Larry isn't the best around people...neither is Martin to be fair, it's just that Larry's overbite is too big to take a good sip of soup from his spoon you end up with him looking like he just sucked off some squash" I tried making them laugh, "sorry, continue"

"It's not just them! Your dad has his friends from work uhh, Tony and his wife probably"

"Haven't really planned it out well have you?" Jonny was being passive-aggressive.

"Come on, let's go home and get dressed. We'll see you in a bit" I gave Aunty Jack a peck on the cheek.

"Bye love, I'll see you later Jonny"

"Yeah!" Jonny was already in the car.

"He'll be fine in a bit," I told her.

***

We snuck in through the back door because Jonny didn't want a hello from Jackie. When we walked into the kitchen, Martin was dancing and singing basically naked with a broom.

"...LOVE WILL TEAR US APART DOON DOON DOON DOONDOONDOON DOONDOON DOONDOON" he sang, using the broom as a mic prop.

"Dad" Jonny tried getting his attention, "Dad! DAD" He tapped Martin's shoulder.

"What the bleeding shit are you doing there?! You scared the bollocks off me" Martin replied. I shook my head and looked at the ceiling.

"I can assure you we did not," I said and closed my eyes.

"Oh my god Dad! You've got one of your balls hanging out!" Jonny covered my already closed eyes.

"That's in my mind forever" I commented.

"Well, I didn't know I was going to be snuck up on, did I? Why didn't you come through the front?"

"We're cooking dinner, it makes sense to come directly to the kitchen" Jonny uncovered me so I opened my eyes and Martin was behind the counter.