Friday Night Dinner

Marital Troubles

"Hello hello-oh" I came in through th kitchen door to see Martin shirtless and I think washing his armpits in the sink. "Oh Martin"

"Hello Vivian, how goes it?" He greeted quite formally and continued bathing himself. I don't know where to look, where do I look?

"Good, good. Where are the boys?"

"What was that?"

"Where are the boys?!" I spoke louder.

"Boys?" He paused to think.

"Your sons"

"Oh! My sons, God knows"

"Good talk" I walked passed him and into the hallway to open up the door for Mum. I took her 3 suitcases inside.

"Thanks love" she hugged me. She was having another fight with Larry...because she was cheating on him. He locked her out of the house and threw her suitcases outside. No clothes, just empty luggage.

"Oh love" Aunty Jack appeared and gave Mum a hug, "luggage? You can stay here as long you want!" We all walked to the living room.

"No no, it's empty. This is all he gave her. She didn't even get keys so she'll stay with Jonny and I for a bit" the two women looked shocked, "what?"

"You and Jonny are living together?" Mums tears stopped.

"Yes...did I forget to mention that?" Honestly forgot. The two women grinned and jumped.

"You're practically already married with a family!" Easy now Aunty Jack, she kissed my cheek and hugged me tight, "I never my boys would find anyone. I thought I'd die without grandchildren"

"It's not like I'm pregnant Aunty Jack" I laughed. The women laughed.

"Who's pregnant?" Martin shouted with a mouthful of brie.

"No one-" I began to reply.

"Pregnant!?" Adam appeared, shocked.

"Who's pregnant?" Jonny asked, he came into the room with a wet top, water? Wine stain? I don't know, "is Viv pregnant? How did you get pregnant?....oh" he realized we were in a relationship.

"What are you going to do with it? It's going to have Pissface's nose" Adam kept interrupting.

"Guys I'm-"

"It does explain why you've been buying irn-bru instead of Coca Cola, and sour lollies instead of chocolate. Also you have gained a bit around-"

"I'M NOT PREGNANT YOU BELLENDS" I shrieked, "thanks for calling me fat. I've been buying lollies and irn-bru because you love it and I love you, you pisshead!" I stormed passed them to go to the bathroom.

I got 10 seconds to myself before someone knocked on the door, "Viv" it was Jonny.

"I'm doing a wee" I lied, I was on my phone playing solitaire. He walked in anyway, I freaked out and covered myself on instinct, "shitting hell" I grunted. I threw a toilet paper roll at him. "You scared the..." I realised where I was but I can't really say much else, "shit out of me".

He didn't comment, he just squatted down in front of me, grabbed air fresher and gave it a quick spritz. I couldn't help but laugh. He gave me a hug.

"I'm sorry I'm such a bellend. It was wrong of me to comment, total tosser behaviour "

"It's alright, I'm used to it"

"You have to admit, that reaction was better than just running off"

"Yeah I suppose" I chuckled. I guess I really am lucky to have him.

"And I was excited for a fraction of a second" he admitted.