Making Remy Laugh (BoyxBoy)

Twenty Seven- Cecil Clarke

Cecil had begun to spend his breaks between swim classes thinking about Remy. This wasn't really irregular for him, he spent most of his free time thinking about Remy, and had been doing this for about three months now, but now the content of his thoughts had shifted slightly.

Before he had seen Remy over the weekend, Cecil had thought a lot about the night of their breakup, thought about how stupid he was for reaching out and taking Remy like that, as if he was an object rather than a person.

And even before that, before he had effectively terminated their relationship with his stupid actions, Cecil had thought a lot about how happy Remy made him feel, and tried to relive every second of their time together in his head, afraid he missed anything the first time.

But now, because Cecil had seen Remy over the weekend and had learned the truth, Cecil thought only of Remy's childhood, and how sorry he was that he had jumped to conclusion and therefore left Remy alone in what seemed to be a time of need.

Of course, Remy wasn't truly alone. He had Sydney, and his brother apparently, who turns out wasn't as dead as Remy always made him sound, but neither of them could confort Remy in the way Cecil could. Neither of them could kiss him in a way that assured everything would be all right.

How badly Cecil wanted to kiss him was insane. Often times, when he wasn't thinking about Remy's past and how strong he was for enduring such a thing, Cecil thought about the boys mouth, thought about how it fell upon his own. He tried to remember every single kiss they had ever shared, excluding the most recent one when Cecil hadn't been in the right state of mind.

Cecil missed him so much it hurt. When he laid in bed all night, he thought about how brave Remy was to trust him with his body, and how stupid was for taking advantage of that.

How could I hurt someone this badly when I love them so much?

It took Cecil two days after his last sighting of Remy to decide that he would need to make this right, or at least try. If he didn't, he'd never be able to live with himself. Since what he had done to Remy had been so... unforgivable, Cecil was having a hard time thinking up ways that he could apologize in a way that made up for everything.

Zane was was absolutely no help. When Cecil had called him, almost immediately after he had decided to confront Remy with an apology and a confession of his undying love, his best friend didn't offer much help. "You should most definitely apologize to him," Zane said in a low voice, "but are you sure you want to get back together with him?"

"What?" Cecil asked, confused at the question. "Why wouldn't I want to get back together with him?"

Zane was silent for a moment before letting out a long sigh. "You know why, Cecil".

"I really don't".

"Because... Because of what he's been through," Zane said, and Cecil, shocked enough that he had no response for his best friend, just remained silent as he listened to Zane through the phone. "You know, I get that he's a good person and all, it's just... at this point he seems awfully problematic? I don't know, it just sounds like a lot of work-"

"Problematic," Cecil cut in. "He's not... It's not problematic. I love him-"

"Do you though?" Zane asked. "I don't know, Clarke. I'm just worried you're getting yourself into something you're not prepared to be a part of. I mean... If you get back together, he's going to become reliant on you".

"I want him to rely on me," Cecil said. "That would mean he trusts me, and I'd do anything for him to trust me again". Zane was quiet. "What?"