A New Beginning

Chapter 17

It's been a month today that Regina asked me to leave her office. I'm such a coward. I know that. When it comes to love. I'm just a coward. Plain and simple. I've learned my job and hopefully I'm doing it well.  I haven't had any complaints yet. It's been hard seeing Regina and Henry around town. I miss them so much. My heart is really broken, but it's all my fault. I didn't trust myself to love them enough so I let them go. The situation with Robin went well. After all the charges and statements the judge gave him 5 years, with a possibility for parole after 2. I really miss Regina and Henry so much, but I did what's best right?  Life sucks sometimes. It's Friday night and I didn't feel like microwaving dinner again so I go to Granny's. I take my usual table and Ruby comes over. "Hey Em, how are ya?" "Hey Rubes I'm ok. Anything good on the menu tonight?"  "Yup. Granny made lasagna, and an amazing chicken broccoli fettuccine Alfredo. Your favorite Em". "That sounds great Ruby. I'll take the fettuccine Alfredo please and a ginger ale". "You got it. It'll be just a few minutes". I nod. And she goes to put my order in. I hear the door chime go off but I don't look up. I don't really care anymore. I just look at YouTube videos on my phone. A few minutes later I hear a laugh. And I know that laugh. I look around and see Regina. She's here. She's with someone. Fuck is she on a date. She looks in my direction and laughs again. Who is she with,  I wanna fucking kill him. I take a deep breath and see Ruby walk by. "Hey Rubes can I get that to go please? I feel like chilling out at home while I eat". "Sure. I'll go tell them now". A few minutes later, after listening to Regina laugh at this fuck face, Ruby gives me my bag and the check. "Hey Ems I get off at midnight. I was gonna head out to the Rabbit Hole for a drink later with Ashley wanna join in?"  I put money on the table and say. "Sure why the hell not, I'll see you then". I grab my food and leave quickly. I don't look at Regina even though I want to so much. I get home and I can't even eat. I'm so miserable. My life sucks, it always has. Why did I think coming here would be different. I have a few beers waiting for Midnight, to meet up with Ruby and Ashley. When the time comes I drive over to the Rabbit Hole and see Ruby at the bar. I walk over to her and tap her on the shoulder. "Oh my god, you came". "Yup. Let's start drinking". I ordered myself a beer and a double shot of tequila. I knew right away it was a big mistake. But fuck it nobody loves me. No one ever will. I down beer and tequila for the next two hours like it's water. I'm having a good time with the girls. Last call comes and that totally sucks cause I'm not ready yet. "Ems let me give you a ride home". Ruby says to me. "Naaa I good". "Emma I can't let you drive. Your really drunk". "I'm not gonna drive I promise. Here. Here are the keys to my Jeep". I take them off the key ring. "I need to walk home. Im good I swear. I need some air". We all walk outside together. "Emma please let me take you home". "I don't wanna go home with any one. Ever. There is only one woman for me. But I'm a fuck up and fucked everything up. As usual". "Emma that's not true". "The fuck it's not. Good night ladies tonight was fun". I say and just disappear around the corner. I actually hid behind a bush so Ruby couldn't find me. I made it home fine. I had a few more beers and a few more shots to make sure my sorrows were drowned. I was lounging out on my couch watching reruns of "The Golden Girls" cause its fucking awesome. Ya I'm pretty dunk about now. I hear my cell phone start to ring. I look and see it's Regina. Fuck. (I tend to say fuck a lot when I'm drunk) I reach for my phone and answer it, putting it on speaker. "Helloooooo Madame mayor. Why do I deserve this late night call?" "Emma. What the hell is going on? I get a call from Ruby saying your dunk and refused a ride home". I interrupt her and say "Relax Gina, I gave her my keys. I'm home now. So no need to worry. No one else ever worries about me. You don't need to either". "Emma what's going on with you?"  "What do you mean?  I'm off tonight and tomorrow so whats the problem?"  "Emma please talk to me". "Oh hey Gina, how was your date tonight? I hope that fucker treated you right". I start cry now and get pissed off that it wasn't me out with her. "Emma, I'm worried about you". I take the last gulp of my beer. I hold the bottle in my hand and squeeze. I'm feeling angry right now. I let out a loud scream and throw the bottle against the wall. Regina yells. "Emma, Emma. What the hell happened". "Everything's fine Gina. Goodbye". I say and hang up. I go grab another beer and a shot. I hear my phone going off but I ignore it. It goes to voice mail. It rings again and again. I just let it ring. I'm plopped on the couch watching tv when I here a knock at the door. What the fuck. "It's open". I call out and Regina walks into my dark loft. "Hayyyyyyyy Gina. Welcome to my humble abode". She doesn't seem amused. "Emma, why didn't you answer my calls?"  "Gina, why you here? Where is Henry?"  "He's with a friend".   "Oh. The fuck head you had a date with".  "Emma. What the hell is going on?"  I can see her eyes are watery and I feel bad. I get up from the couch and walk over to my jacket and take my badge out of my pocket. I walk over and put it in Reginas hand. "I quit Madame Mayor. I'll write up my resignation in the morning". Then I walk back and flop on the couch. "Fuck You Emma Swan. Your not getting off that easy. Talk to me. Now".  I stand on unsteady legs and say. "What the fuck do you want from me Regina?"   "I want you to tell me the truth. Why did you give up on us? Why do want to leave? Why Emma?"   I look at her for a moment before I speak.  "Looks like you found me with enough alcohol in me to let it all out Regina. I never wanted to give up on us. I thought I was doing right by you by letting  you and Henry go. I'm no good Regina". She shakes her head. "No let me explain. When I was 10 weeks old I was adopted. They all thought I was a boy at the time. I was there for 5 years till the mom got pregnant and they sent me back. I guess they wanted their own kid. I went into several homes after that till they found out I was "half boy half girl". Their words not mine. No one ever wanted me after that. They were afraid of some freak hurting the kids they already had. I ran away every chance I got. When I was 15 a woman came along and gave me a chance. And that was the only time anyone ever saw ME. ME Regina". I flop back on the couch and just cry. She comes over and sits next to me and wraps her arms around me. "Emma I love you, please don't leave me and Henry". "No. Don't love me. Please. Don't".  "It's to late for that Emma".  "I'm so sorry Regina. I do love you. I just don't want you to hate me later". She kisses my cheek and holds me close. I continue crying for a while, then I just drift off with her holding me.