A New Beginning

Chapter 22

After putting Henry down for his nap I go into the kitchen and find Regina and a blonde woman. I clear my throat to announce my presence. Regina turns and says "Oh Emma. Come in. This is Kathryn. Kat, this is Emma". I'm so freaked out now. I hold a shaky hand out to her and she takes ahold of it.  "It's a pleasure to meet you Emma Swan". "Ya. It's great to meet you too".  I turn to Regina and ask. "Do you mind if I take a quick shower then come back and finish up in here?"  She walks over and kisses my lips and says "That's fine dear. Enjoy your shower". I nod, then I look at Kathryn and smile, then quickly leave. When I'm out the door I hear Regina say "Really Kathryn, would it kill you to smile at her. Emma probably thinks you hate her".  "Well I'm not going to be her friend right out of the gate Regina, and yes I very much dislike her after the way she treated you".  "Oh Kat just stop and help me finish decorating before everyone shows up".  I quickly and quietly run upstairs. I have tears falling from my eyes. Fuck I hate this. I can't stay here right now, but how can I leave. I grab my stuff and go back downstairs and see Regina. She walks up and says "I thought you were taking a shower?"  "Yeah, I got up there and went through my clothes and saw that I didn't have what I needed. Plus I have some more stuff for Henry that I need to get from my place. So I'll be back". I kiss her and try to leave. "Emma is everything ok?"   "Yup". I smile a shitty smile and leave. I feel so angry with myself right now. I'm being a coward again. I can't go back there. I want to so badly, but I can't. Regina may never forgive me this time for not coming back. It's Henry's first birthday. She doesn't need to worry about me. Shit what am I gonna do?  Twenty minutes later I'm still sitting on my couch, I'm thinking about what Dr Hopper has been teaching me. Then I jump up and run to the shower and then I quickly get dressed. I'm going to Henry's party, for him and Regina. I don't care if Kathryn hates me. I get there a few minutes late, but Regina is happy to see me. I put all my gifts for Henry with the others and try to get lost in the crowd, but of course Kathryn finds me. "So you came back". She says with a bitchy smirk on her face. "Yes. Regina wanted me here and it's Henry's birthday so I'm here".  "Well that's very nice of you, I suppose".  "Kat is there something you'd like to get off your chest?"  "Let's take this in the kitchen". I follow her. "So let's hear it". "I know Regina is pregnant".  "Ya".    "That's all you got to say?"  "Well it's really between me and Regina. It's none of your concern".  "The hell it isn't. Regina and I have known each other our entire lives and if you think I'm gonna stand by and watch you hurt her again like you did you are mistaken. I've never seen her like that before. You really broke her Emma".  I feel like shit right now. I just look down. I know i hurt her, but hearing the words out loud breaks my heart again. "I'm sorry that I hurt her and I don't have any intention of ever doing it again. I'm gonna be here for her and the baby and for Henry".    "For how long Emma?"   "What do you mean?"  "How long till you give up again, how long till it's all to much for you and you take off?"  "Kathryn. What the hell are you doing?"  Regina walks in the kitchen and looks pissed. "Emma and I are just having a little chat".  "Really Kat. Your going to start shit at my sons birthday party?"   "Oh relax Reg. It's a harmless chat, isn't it Emma?"   I just shrug. "Well now it's over. Kathryn please go out in the living room while Emma helps me with the cake". Regina walks up to me and wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me. "I'm sorry about Kathryn. She can be ruff around the edges sometimes".   "It's ok. I'm glad she's looking out for you". She kisses me again. "Help me with the cake my love?"  "Of course".  We all sing happy birthday. It was so cute. Henry made a mess of that cake. He dug right into it. He had cake everywhere. As the party starts winding down I fake a stomachache and apologize to Regina and leave. Nice. That worked. I'm not the bad guy and I still went to the party. Walking through my door and closing it, I lean on it and just start crying. I feel like total shit. I know the way I acted months ago hurt Regina, but to have it thrown back at me makes want to crawl back into a hole, but I can't, I need to be there for Regina and Henry and the baby she is carrying. Am I enough. Can I ever feel like enough for them. It's only about 5:30 but I walk over to my bed take off my jeans and shirt and lay in bed with my boxers and sports bra. I hold my pillow tight and just cry.