AM13 Outbreak Shorts

One Year On - Twenty Six (Rachael)

Rachael

"I knew you'd be back."

He gives me a wide, sinister looking smile. It should be enough to have me turning and running for the hills, but the itching inside of me is too powerful to ignore.

"Benji." He holds out his hand for me to shake but I refuse. I'm not here to make friends. "Okay, fine. Where's your little boyfriend tonight?"

I shrug and turn my eyes away. I don't want to think about Alex tonight, I don't want to remember how good he makes me feel, because what Benji can offer me will make me feel better.

I know I'm an idiot. I'm not stupid, I know this is ridiculous, but what's the point of not blocking all me emotions out right now? This isn't a life, is it? This is the end of the world. It won't get any better than what we have right here.

Okay, so I have a good thing here, if I really think about it.

But I don't want to think about it.

I just want to think about the bright colors, the happiness, the perfect little world that the drugs allow me to feel. Even though me and Alex told ourselves that it was just a one time thing and that we'd never do it again...well, here I am, by myself, craving that buzz.

"So, you want another pill, huh?" he asks me with a smirk playing on his lips. "I can sort you out with that." Relief floods me...at least, it does until the next words come out of his mouth. "But I can't give you another one for free. You understand that, don't you? Capitalism and all that."

"Oh right." My mouth runs dry, my palms sweat, I give him a desperate look, trying to make him understand my pain. "I didn't realize that we were still living in a Capitalist society."

But it soon becomes clear that I'm not dealing with an empathetic person here.

"Yeah, well, that's how it goes, I'm afraid. Cash, grass, or ass."

"Cash?" I furrow my brows. "No one has cash."

He laughs, a nasty sound that chills me to the bone.

"It's just an expression, sweetheart. What do you have to offer me?"

"Erm..." I don't know how to answer this. I basically have nothing. "What do people usually give you to pay? I'm new to this game..."

He rolls his eyes. "Trust me, that is obvious. How about you come to my place with me and we have a talk about this without prying eyes watching us."

I glance around to see absolutely no one looking at us at all. I don't know what this means and I don't want to know. But at the same time, I need that block, I need that buzz, I don't know how I will make it through the rest of the day if I don't have that wonderful warmth racing through me.

But how much am I willing to give up to get it?

How much of myself am I willing to lose?