MPAM (Under Major Editing)

Epilogue

Epilogue

I kneeled on the grass alone, this is what I always did because I never forgave myself after what happened. I couldn'd bear the thought of letting others here because this is what I wanted. To be left alone, he wouldn't want this of me but I don't care, this is how I'm grieving still after 10 years. Once a year on this day is the only day I allow myself to be like this

I didn't believe Jay when he told he left, it wasn't like him and after my futile attempts at pushing it out of Jay he didn't utter a single word of where he was. So I gave him the silent treatment, it lasted 3 months. The worst three months of my life but to top it all off what Jay told me was worse, it felt like someone had a knife stabbed in my heart and they were slowly, painfully wrenching it in and out of me. Like the sick bastard wanted to see me suffer

And I did

Jay told me that Aiden killed himself but I wouldn't believe it at first, I ran and cried for days, Jay knew where I was because I could smell him. He didn't want me to be left alone at that point in my life and to this day I am grateful but I needed to be alone, those weeks of grieving I shut everyone out including Jay

After I had the energy to approach him I hugged him. I wanted to know why Aiden did what he did and Jay took me to the woods where he showed me what happend. He tapped into his memories and played it for me because saying it wouldn't be the same

To this day I still don't know how be did that and I never asked

So I watched Aiden willingly give his life up for Jay to save me. It was the worst memory I've seen.

Aiden was standing by me all this time and I at least was happy that I didn't push him away and what his last words were to me were unforgettable. I owe Aiden so much because of what he did and I only wish that I could tell him I loved him

"I can't believe it's been 10 years" I whispered, the tears beginning to fall

I sat alongside Aiden's grave, the sun shining brightly on top of us, Jay was waiting for me at the car just outside the cemetary

"Why is it that every year I come here, it's sunny?" I said looking at Aiden's grave "It's not how I feel" I mumbled beginning to sit up

I stood up and dusted myself off, standing at the foot of his grave, I smiled sadly and placed the flowers down. I glanced at his headstone

++++++++

Aiden Thomas Leevi

1998-2014

Brother, Son and Great Friend

Life is like a game, Play it like you're the dealer

++++++++

That was Aiden's favourite quote and I didn't understand it until his death. He chose what he wanted in his life and it involved no one but himself. The choices we make not only affect us but others around you and in his case his hand was dealt for him not to him

"Until next year big brother" I smiled sadly standing up "Jay misses you and the kids want to know you but I told them you're in a better place"

"This is the last time I'll visit you in a bad way I promise, no more tears" I sniffed

"I just miss you" I let the tears fall

I began to walk away sadly but what happend 10 years ago has made me realize how much Aiden was in my life and how much I wanted him back. I can't dwell on the past any longer becasue once I step out of this cemetary I have my own priorities to think of and a promise I made to Aiden. No to let his death take a hold of my life. I'm 26 now and happily married with 2 kids