The North Star (B. Barnes & S. Rogers)

Chapter Nine

North wakes alone in the medical wing, she's not sure what she expected to be honest, possibly some form of heavy guard this time, she's got her strength back, she's more of a threat now, why aren't they taking this seriously? She could escape if she wanted to, not that she does, she's rather comfortable where she is, the bed soft under her, blankets soft and warm, a full belly, clean clothes, yeah, she can't deny that these people are slightly better than Hydra. Plus these guys have the Winter Soldier, which Hydra was lacking towards the end. And she's pulled towards the Winter Soldier. She feels him before she sees him, a warmth in the corner of the cold room, then a shadow shifting. She knows exactly who it is. She always knows. She sighs a little.

"Are you going to stand there all morning?" she asks turning her head to him, Bucky swallows a little and steps out of the shadows.

"I didn't know if you'd want to see me" he mumbles, she hums scratching at her face he takes a breath and moves closer to her.

"Why wouldn't I?" she counters, he shrugs.

"Steve said you spoke" he admits sitting at her side. She hums in agreement.

"We did" she looks to him, Bucky touches her hand, his fingers dancing over her skin. He sniffles fighting something inside himself. He looks to her. "I'm sorry" he offers quietly, his hand trembling over hers now. "I'm sorry" he repeats, his voice breaking, eyes misty. She frowns at him.

"What are you apologizing for?" she asks him.

"For everything" he answers. "For what I did to you, for leaving you behind...." he adds. "For not looking for you....what we had...."

"It wasn't real," she tells him interrupting him, he blinks at her. "Hydra controlled every aspect of our lives, you don't think that was part of it?"

"No" he whispers shaking his head.

"What we had wasn't real because they designed it" she argues with him. "It happened because they wanted it to happen" he hangs his head and jams his eyes shut. "Every touch, every kiss, every smile, it was only what they allowed" he stands knocking his chair back, his mind whirling because that's not fair. He knows what he felt, he knows how the soldier felt for her, it can't be a lie created by Hydra, there is no way they could orchestrate something like that. "It was just a way to keep the Soldat in line" he shakes his head. "To keep him happy"

"No, I don't believe that" he lifts his head to meet her eyes. "I know how I" he stops himself and takes a breath. "I know how he felt about you" he shakes his head. "It was the only good thing..." he whispers. "He had" he finishes weakly, realizing that Hydra did that on purpose. Gave him one good thing within the organization so he would stay, he would never have left North behind if he had a choice, and they knew that. The Winter Soldier's relationship with North kept him in line, kept him loyal.

"Now you have Steve" she offers. "A real good thing" he looks to her. They share a look, emotions swimming in both sets of eyes.

"So it meant nothing to you?" he asks her quietly, his hands shaking as he waits for her answer.

"It wasn't real" she answers him, though it isn't really an answer, he nods a little looking down before walking away, North takes a shaky breath when the door closes, her eyes filling with tears. It meant everything to her.

.................

Steve looks over the tablet in his hand as he stands with North in her secure apartment. She's been quiet and they thought bringing her up here would help, none of them aware of the inner turmoil going on inside her. She knows she did the right thing in pushing Bucky away from her, from what they had. What he has with Steve is more important than what he shared with her. Steve looks up at her, noting the clenching of her jaw, he knows that clench because Bucky does the same when trying to hide his emotions.

"Are you okay?" Steve asks her, she nods looking everywhere but at him. "It's not forever, North" he assures her as she moves away from him to touch the back of the couch. "And we've lifted the restrictions for Loki and Thor"

"No" she argues and looks to him. "That won't be necessary" he frowns at her.

"But....." he starts stepping closer to her. "I thought you'd want your brothers close to you"

"No" she counters. "I just want to be alone"

"That's not going to help" he argues softly. "Believe me, you shouldn't be alone. You can't shut out the ones that love you, that want to help you" Steve scolds a little. "Thor and Loki have been waiting for this day long enough.....they just want to be around you"

"They love who I was" she points out. "A little girl.....we both know I am so very far from her now and that there is no going back...." she looks out the window. "I don't belong here" she whispers.

"Don't push the people that care about you away" he whispers softly, she keeps her eyes on the exterior of the facility. "They love you" he assures her. "They just want you to be safe and happy"

"Can you leave now?" she asks him, he sighs and closes his eyes a moment before looking at her.

"You can reach me via Friday, okay?" he offers. "If you change your mind" he then walks away, leaving her alone, the apartment door closes followed by a click as it locks into place. North sighs and presses her hand to the glass letting ice spread from her palm. The window groans a little but holds with it and she pulls her hand back before setting her forehead to the ice, her eyes closing.