The North Star (B. Barnes & S. Rogers)

Chapter Eighteen

Bucky drops onto the couch beside North as she reads, she glances to him out of the corner of her eye and then goes back to her book. She is a little surprised he is here. He sets his feet up on her coffee table and she glares at his boots over the top of her book because they are dirty and on her table. She shifts her glare to him and he promptly drops his feet and clears his throat.

"Is there a reason you have come to defile my table?" she asks him, he nods a little.

"Steve wants to...hang out" Bucky offers, she lifts an eyebrow.

"With me?" she asks him, he nods.

"Well, with us" he corrects. "The three of us together. He thinks we need to sit down and get to know each other as we are now." she raises an eyebrow. "It's something we did when I was recovering" Bucky admits. "Me and Steve, we had to get to know each other again, both of us have been through so much that it changed us, it's unreasonable to think that it wouldn't....he also thinks that you, Loki, and Thor should do so as well"

"Why?" she asks him.

"Same reason" he answers. "You're different people, and you have to rebond as siblings" he explains. "The last time they knew you, you were a child, you were all children, you're adults now" she hums a little and looks back down at her book. "Do you want to talk about....what happened before you left?" he asks her.

"It was the only way he would give you back" she answers. "That was the goal"

"But it must have been difficult for you" he counters. "I know....I never meant to play with your feelings, with your heart, North" she sniffles slightly and nods, letting him know that she knows that, that she understands. "And I hope you can forgive me for taking him away from you" she looks at him.

"Of course I do" she assures him. "It was never your fault. I fell in love with an idea, with a fictional character, not a real person" Bucky watches her sadly. "He was created by Hydra, he was a lie...and everything we had together was a lie orchestrated by them to control us."

"He believed it as much as you did" Bucky tells her sadly.

"Yes" she agrees. "But he wasn't real...you are...and it is not you that I fell in love with....you just bare his face and I have to deal with that"

"I wish this was easier for you" he tells her. "And I suppose I could stay away from you but those feelings are still here, still inside of me and I don't want to watch you leave again....and that is incredibly selfish of me, but I do know that you being here is the best place for you to recover....and I know that will lead to you leaving again" he shrugs a little.

"No one wins with Hydra" she offers, he looks at her. "They will always have the last word in our lives, Bucky, they will always be a part of us, they will always win"

..................

North pulls a hoodie around her as she walks into Steve and Bucky's apartment, it is more lived in than hers, more loved, more homely. They've both invited her over for dinner as part of their whole bonding thing. As a way for them all to get to know one another again. Steve waves at her from the kitchen and she approaches him.

"Bucky's running late" Steve states as he grabs a metallic tray of food from behind him. "I hope takeaway is okay" he tells her as he pulls a bowl closer to serve it.

"Bucky said you were going to cook" She accuses, Steve clears his throat and nods.

"This is me cooking" he offers with a small smile, her eyes sparkle slightly as she smirks. He almost spills the noodles from the plastic dish seeing that expression on her face, because she has been all brooding and sadness and he's never seen her smile like that before. "I know you must be used to palace kitchens"

"Not really" she admits, he raises an eyebrow. "I didn't really feel like eating" she offers, he moves to serve another tray of food. "Loki would bring me bread and cheeses but.." she shakes her head. "What is this?" she asks as she looks over the food.

"Urm Chinese" he answers. "Bucky seems to have developed a healthy appetite for it" he glances to her face. "Would you like to try some now?" he asks her. She shakes her head.

"No, it is fine, I shall wait" she answers.

"It's okay, North" he assures her. "There is plenty" he holds out a fork to her, she glances to it and then to his face. "You cannot be living off of pop tarts whilst you are here" she takes the fork from him. "And tasting new foods is part of your recovery"

"It is?"

"Hydra...they're not exactly known for treating their assets to taste...." Steve tells her, she hums in agreement.

"Winter used to call it sludge" she whispers. "It was grey and smooth, like a mousse" Steve pulls a face. "I cannot even explain what it tasted of"

"But it was enough to keep you alive and functional" Steve offers, she nods. "Now you get to eat whatever you want" he tells her as he pushes the bowl of noddles towards her. "No one will tell you no, unless...you don't have any allergies, do you?" she tilts her head a little.

"I have no idea" she answers. "I do not think so, I am unaware if jotun can have allergies" she looks down at the food. "There is only one way to discover" she mumbles and stabs at the food, Steve chuckles a little watching her trying to pick up the noodles with a fork that way. Stabbing at it will not work. Steve moves around the table and to her side.

"Here" he tells her as he wraps his fingers around her wrist. "You have to scoop and twirl" he uses her wrist to manoeuvrer the fork. "It can be fiddly" he offers, she's staring at his hand on her wrist, his fingers warm and soft on her cold skin. He seems to realise that she might not be entirely comfortable with this, so he releases her and clears his throat. "Sorry, I shouldn't have touched you without asking...." he rambles slightly.

"It's....okay" she assures him. "You..weren't hurting me" he looks at her as she strokes her fingers over her wrist, her eyes staring at movements. Steve's eye sadden. The only people who have touched her with kindness or care since she left Hydra have been Loki, Frigga, Bucky, and now Steve. She's affection starved. Having spent so long receiving touch in the most painful of ways, she is still so unused to kindness and non-violent contact.