for her

19

"Back to work guys, let's go" Ashton announced once all of the attendings seemed satisfied.

I followed behind Ashton like normal, not daring to look to any of the guys.

We checked on our patients, giving diagnosis' along with checking vitals.

Just as it was almost time to go- I got a page to the ER.

I jogged there, seeing an incoming ambulance that I ran to.

"Five year old male- unattended at daycare, fell into a swimming pool, breathing is shallow, slow heart beat, but it's there- CPR was given on sight" the paramedic spoke.

Myself and the nurses shot into action.

"Get some warming blankets" I declared, touching his skin and feeling how cold he was.

I listened to his chest- hearing breathing and a heartbeat.

I patted his cheeks, trying to get a response from him.

I checked his eyes- seeing reaction, making me happy.

He wasn't dead yet.

Just as I got electrodes hooked to him- he flatlined.

I immediately started compressions as a nurse hit the code blue button, causing people to flood into the room dramatically.

I didn't stop my compressions.

"Come on, come on" I panicked as they got the defibrillator ready, sticking the pads to his chest.

"Charge to fifty" I spoke through my compressions, hearing them do so, putting it to his chest.

"Clear" I announced, making everyone step away, shocking him.

I felt for a pulse, looking to the machine.

Nothing .

I started compressions again as I heard Ashton

"Give him some-" "we've maxed him out on all medicines" a nurse responded before he even spoke.

"Charge to a hundred" Ashton declared.

The nurse put it to his chest

"Clear"

I pulled away, watching them shock him.

We did this for twenty minutes.

They shocked him, I went back to compressions

"He's been gone too long" a nurse spoke slowly

I wasn't giving up on him.

"Come on buddy" I exhaled.

I pulled away, feeling for a pulse.

"Doctor Johnson" Ashton spoke, I felt his hand hit my back.

I continued compressions.

"He's gone" Ashton spoke again.

Stop.

I wasn't giving up on him.
He's a baby.

Ashton pulled me completely from him, holding my hands as I tried to push him away.

"There's no oxygen getting to his brain-" "he's brain dead" I completely the sentence.

He stared to me as I looked to the vitals screen

Flatlined

"Time of death" I spoke the words for the first time ever

"Twenty one twenty five" I spoke,  snapping my gloves off.

I held my feelings in.

"I'll tell the parents- your shift is up" Ashton spoke.

"I need to tell them" I spoke quietly.

"Then I'll come with you"

I said the words over and over in my head as Ashton and I walked to the waiting room.

We walked out, seeing the only family in there.

"What was his name?" I asked.

"Nick Rodgers"

Ashton and I walked to them, hope written all over their faces.

"Please tell me he's okay" the mom spoke, making me crouch so I wasn't standing over them since they were sitting.

"I am so sorry- we did everything that we could" I spoke slowly, making them both immediately break down into sobs.

"H-he was our baby" the lady cried out.

"I am so sorry" I spoke once again.

"Thank you- I know that you did everything you could" the dad choked out, pulling the wife into him, holding her tightly.

Ashton grabbed my arm, making me walk away from them.

I cleared my throat, as soon as we were through the doors, he stopped me, looking to me.

"Need to cry?"

"Nope" I lied