for her

20

"I don't get off for another hour" he spoke quietly, glancing around.

"That's okay" I nodded slowly.

I would need time to cry anyway.

"I'll come by after, okay?" He spoke, looking to me with sympathy as I nodded.

"I'll see you then" I exhaled, seeing him nod.

"You'll get plenty of cuddles and hugs"

We went our separate ways.

I went into the locker room, continually holding my tears.

I walked in- seeing my four fellow interns.

I couldn't deal with their bullshit.

I didn't even smile, I went to my locker, grabbing my bag, pulling my hair out of the ponytail.

"We heard that you had your first loss-" "I don't want to talk about it" I almost spat out, , throwing my bag onto my back, looking to them as I held my keys in my hand, hoping they got the hint.

"We just wanted to say that we're sorry" one spoke, catching me off guard.

"It sucks- everything you've been through lately sucks, and we're sorry. We hope you forgive us" Stapleton spoke, seeming sincere.

"Thank you for your apology" I almost mumbled.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow" I spoke, turning to leave

"Have a good night"

I went to my car, immediately going to Maddie's house.

They were asleep- I couldn't wake them up, I wasn't being that inconsiderate.

As I drove home, I thought about Nick

The little boy

One year older than my own sister

As I parked I closed my eyes, picturing his body getting shocked.

I felt a tear fall, making me get out of my car.

I went to my apartment, shutting the door behind me, breaking down into the cries I had been holding.

I slid down my door, crying into my knees, gasping for air.

I let my head hit the wall.

"I'm so fucking sorry"

Five minutes earlier and I might've had him.

Maybe if I would've shocked him faster

Maybe I didn't do my compressions to the best of my ability.

There was so much I was questioning.

Just as I was able to stop crying, gaining my composure there was a knock.

I wiped my face, opening my door- immediately seeing Ashton, who held flowers and Chick-Fil-A in his hands.

"When I lost my first patient I cried for hours on end and no one helped me through that, I don't want you to be alone through this" he spoke immediately.

I felt tears in my eyes

No one had ever cared this much.

Not trusting my voice, I stepped to the side, letting him enter where I followed him into the kitchen.

He set down the items and I didn't hesitate to pull myself into an uninvited hug

"Thank you"