Phan / Oneshots Collection

Stuttering

au: dans impression on the highschool jock was misleading

Trigger Warning:
I wouldn't call it as much of a trigger warning, but just to be safe.
Contains sadness, a bit of violence, but fluff also. don't worry.

--

I considered myself insane for even thinking I had a chance with Phil Lester. He was so superior compared to me.

He's the captain of the football team (which is just a bunch of jocks trying to show off their strength to impress brainless girls fyi), he is the ladies man; he had to pry girls off of him, and last he just..I don't know. It's like he has zero reapect for the unpopular, like me.

My names Daniel, but people call me Dan, as it is less sophisticated and less like the queen threw up on me with royalty. Daniel was just too good of a name for me, in my opinion. Anyway, I go to high school in a city called Manchester. We study math, Science, English, all that crap, but I don't particularly care about the subjects.

I care about when Phil is in one of my classes. He doesn't pay attention. He's too busy throwing paper planes around the back of the class. I sometimes turn my head back to catch a glance at him without him noticing and he just gives me chills all over.

His dark black fringe slightly falling over one eye, his bright blue orbs which I swear are as bright as crystals, the way he would laugh with his friends and his tongue would poke out from the side of his mouth.

You probably think I'm a total freak for naming the things about Phil that make my affection for him so strong..but oh well.
Each time I see him, whether it's in the hallway, a class, on campus, outside of school, at the mall, wherever it is, I actually try to ignore him.

I knew at some point I would have to get over this stupid little crush. Some of my friends have found out and tell me day by day,
'Dan, you need to get over this silly little crush. Sorry to break it to you, but it's Phil Lester we're talking about. He's to busy slipping his hands down girls bras to have a conversation with you, and you know I'm right!'
They WERE right.
I just want to stop liking him, but it's so freaking hard.

You know like when you were exploring your yard as a kid and you would find something you thought was significant like a caterpillar or a butterfly and you want to keep it so bad and have it be a part of your everyday life? But when you are told to let it go you find it on the edge of possibility? Well that's what I'm going through.

These mixed emotions are driving me insane and these little voices are telling me that I should let go, and others are saying to keep loving him and keep having faith that he will talk to you someday.
Look, I know what you're thinking. Here's the reason why I can't just walk up to him and start a conversation.
He's Phil. He's that one popular person that acts like their schedule is packed at all times so they don't have to talk to kids who are less superior to them. And Phil wouldn't want to talk to a little queer like me. I would probably be stuttering the whole time and it would be a disaster!

That night I plop on my bed and try to sort out all of the thoughts in my mind without either breaking out in anger or extreme sadness, or nausea. I didn't know what was coming at that point, so I pull off my jeans, shirt, socks, and slide under the covers and try my very best to get a good nights sleep.

*~*

I'm surprised I got through the first couple hours. I have only have two classes left today, than it's back to my room. Back to my headphones, back to my endless thoughts of Phil and when will this torture end.
But you know what they always say,
'A pinwheel keeps spinning but eventually it has to stop someday'.
(I got this idea from Tuck Everlasting)