Peter Parker // Whump

"Stay"

⚠️Depression and suicidal thoughts/mentions⚠️
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November 25...
It's been hard. I don't know what else to write, it feels like I'm in a bubble and I can't pop it. I see everyone on the outside and I think they're mocking me. I know they're not, that's the worst part, being able to tell that it's not true but not being able to convince yourself it isn't. Some times I just sit in a ball and can't do anything I can't feel anything, I can't even cry. I want so badly to let my emotions out but I can't, my body and mind refuse to let me. I'm going to keep trying though.
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December 6...
I can't feel, but at the same time, I feel it all. I don't want to be alone but I also want to be alone. Everything is confusing and trying to figure out the confusing things just makes it worse. I don't know what to do at this point. I think May knows is struggling but she's always at work, and I don't want to bother her. She works so hard to keep our apartment, we'll ours.
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December 24...
It's Christmas Eve and I am supposed to spend it with Ned and his family. Me, May and the Leeds. That's the problem, I can't blame Ned for not wanting to talk to me. Who wants to talk to someone whose depressed all the time. I guess he just didn't know what to do and it was too overwhelming when he found me on the floor of my bathroom.
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December 25...
Mr.Stark Invited May and me to the tower for Christmas day. I'm supposed to be getting ready now but I don't know how in going to hide my pain from him. It's almost like he has some kind of radar. Which is sweet but it just stresses me out more. I have to work on keeping my wrists covered, my hands steady, and my breathing even. Also, the tears, because ever since last night I can't seem to stop, it takes so much effort to block the waterfalls.
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We walked up to the door and May knocked. I breathed.
Tony opened the door and greeted us. I breathed.
We walked in and sat down, I breathed.
May went to the kitchen with Pepper to get snacks, Tony asked how I had been. I stopped breathing.

"Uum, good T-tony good, how have you been" I subconsciously pulled down my shirt sleeves.

"It's been alright, I miss having you over here all the time though"

"Yeah, school uh, schools been a lot lately. You know a lot of tests to study for."

"Yeah, I can only imagine. At least you've had this break though. I've been meaning to ask how has Ned been. I haven't seen him in a while"

I froze, the one thing I didn't want to talk about. At that moment I mumbled a short "good" and sat in silence.
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When I asked the kid about Ned he seemed to freeze. Something was up, I noticed him tugging slightly at his shirt sleeves earlier.
I look back over at him and his eyes are slightly clouded. "Pete?" No response. "Pete?"

"He does that sometimes. I guess it fills the pain" May says as she walks in sitting on the other couch with Pepper.

"What do you mean?"

"I think it's disassociation, but I'm not a psychologist so I wouldn't know for sure. As for the pain, he's been different lately. He hasn't talked about Ned in a while or the new LEGO sets they want to build together"

"Hmm, Friday would you know anything?"

"I think, let me check reports. Yes here it says-"

"NO, Friday please stop" peter cried out and then sprinted to the bathroom.

I get up and run after him, he turns into the bathroom and falls to the floor. He curls in on himself and I immediately go to him and pull him into my arms. "Bubba? Everything is not ok, I know but I'm going to help you ok" my heart aches for this small kid and I carry him to his room.

He seems asleep, or almost asleep so I turn to leave. "Ssss"

"What bubba?"

"Stay?" How could I ignore that, he's hurt.

"Of course" I sit down on the bed next to him and he puts his head on my lap.

"G'night dad"

"Good night son" I smile, maybe it will be ok. Maybe it won't, either way I will be there for him.