Peter Parker // Whump

Mind

The human mind is truly the scariest thing of all.

It is within the mind where the darkest wishes are formed.

It is with help of the mind that the darkest acts are committed.

It is within the mind where rules don't exist, a place where time is but an idea. A place that can be as empty as a vacuum in space, or as full as the Pacific Ocean. Thoughts and memories filtering through, passing through long dark halls, searching for a room where they can reside.

The mind, Peter thinks, is the worst villain out there.

It is three in the morning, the sun went to sleep a while ago. Yet he is unable to sleep, his mind is full, of what? He doesn't know, a dozen possibilities, a dozen memories. Some of which are good and spark a slight warmth in his chest, before the spark can turn to a flame it is doused by a terrible one. His body shakes with the cold that settles on his skin causing goose bumps. It isn't the cold of the night however, he's huddled under blankets trying but failing to get the chill to leave his veins.

In and out Parker just breathe in and out

The mantra plays on repeat within his mind, but the sound is lost behind the screams of those he couldn't save. The screams that reach such a volume that he has to cover his ears. Hands pressed firmly to the sides of his head, it hurts but it helps.

He isn't crying, at least he doesn't feel the warm tears. He doesn't taste the familiar salt on his lips as the physical expressions of emotion leave tracks down his pale skin. He doesn't feel it, because it's not there. His body ran out of tears, but his soul is crying, releasing the tears he wishes he could spill. It always helps, even just for a moment when the tears are uncaged and the emotions are set free.

It starts to become too much and he's begging for it to stop. Even begging for it to kill him, but then he's washed with another wave of guilt as he remembered that death doesn't happen to you. It happens to people around you.

He clenches his jaw shut tight, to prevent the screams he's dying to let roar from his mouth. He doesn't want to wake up the one person who cares for him, in a parental sense.

It feels like years before it slows down, all of it at once. His breathing, the memories, the tears his soul is crying and the sounds of his own heart. His own heart which was beating almost as loudly as the screams.

The screams, he remembers them the most. They pierced holes in his heart that he knew would never heal. Not completely. He could've done better, should've done better.

(Flash back)

"Help" a light cry, it echoed through the speakers built into his suit. The armor that protected him and allowed him to protect others. His muscles pulled taught as he swung, dropping just low enough to feel the rush before he shot a web out and swung back up.

"Approaching destination, enter the building up ahead" Karen's robotic voice rang out. He followed her instructions and dropped in through a window. He hit the ground in a crouch and looked up, the sight that greeted him would stain his vision for the rest of his life. It was the picture of what he could've saved, who he should've saved.

Families, dozens of them. Tied up in the center of the empty warehouse. He was too busy thinking of how basic all the villains were, always using warehouses, to notice the fire. The red and yellow flames that sped up, shooting towards its targets. The smoke which caused many of them to cough blinded him. He pushed forwards, grabbing the first person he could find. It was a little girl, her Cinderella shirt slightly mottled, with what he hoped was just dirt. His hands moved without thinking, removing the binding around her petite wrists. Her hands were freed as the first screams rang out, exploding in the otherwise silent space.